The heart of worship
Today's gospel reading is so powerful, and in a world where so many things
bombard a person (not only
the TV and
Internet, but sometimes friends,
acquaintances, enemies, family members too) its inevitable we sometimes fall short (of expectations), or fall apart.
Jesus said,
(paraphrased) There is absolutely no reason to be fearful and no need to rehearse what you might say.
“I myself shall give you a wisdom in speaking that all your adversaries will be powerless to resist or refute.”
That's really powerful and meaningful to me. Think about it: if his words are true, there is so much that we are holding on to, our baggage, our burdens, that doesn't need to be hanging around.
I believe he speaks from the heart of Wisdom, that he himself wants to give each of us this wisdom if only we ask, and trust.
on facebook
the web of connections meant for communication can also draw us into its snare and entangle us in hopeless anxiety, leaving us to struggle out of the mire, ironically filled with images of smiles.
I watched a podcast today by Hillsong. A pastor was talking about using what we have in our hands to bring alive what we have in our hearts. He said one reason we sometimes only look at a distant dream and detest what we already have is because what we have reminds us of...us. The present drudgery may be too much a reflection of ourselves, and we prefer the hopefulness of the designs in our hearts.
Yet, what we have in our hands now are also gifts from God to treasure, so that we use them to journey towards the goal, the calling and purpose, we were made for.
the shepherd and the blur-sotong sheep
hey hey, I'm back, after 11 months.
I just felt I had something to say out loud, something to...share?
Such as...have you ever wondered if some people in 'the crowd', frequently referred to in the Gospels as the multitudes standing in wide open spaces, following Jesus around, crossing rivers and lakes to catch sight of him, waiting around for bread and fish....had it ever crossed your mind that some of them actually felt insulted when Jesus went away on his own to pray, and said to their friends, "What a selfish man! Only thinking about himself, when so many people are waiting for him"? And the friends would agree...
And then they would turn around and go back to their own, old lives. Could Jesus really have let them go? You mean, he actually put prayer (and time-out) above their salvation, their healing?
This got me thinking (because all along I had thought,
believed, there must be some way to keep everyone satisfied) that it's just not possible to split yourself (or your soul, unlike Lord Voldemort) into many many pieces and give everyone something.
I mean, if he did not work that miracle of
pleasing the masses, there must be some reason...
Maybe because human need is so varied, and human desire is just insatiable.
And maybe I was looking at it the wrong way all along. It's not that he placed himself (solitude) above others (their healing); in order to place them above himself, he had to give God the highest place, and constantly go back to converse in the silence. Or else Jesus would have burnt out with exhaustion, dissolved in self-pity and cried out in disillusionment.
I sense I'm going through one hell'va lesson.
Amen.
PS Hallo again to whoever is reading this!
Finally, some time to sit down.
I mean, I've been sitting down for a pretty long time since work started last December, but I can't remember the last time I
sat sat down (I'm sure I must have, one of those off-days that I took an M.C. for)
So. A bit of time to take stock, as opposed to watching them, and a bit of time to remember the bell tolls, outweighing the morning bell that goes (again, and again, and again).
Of course, I woudn't write anything incriminating. It's my new policy, the X-files policy. So the files are stored in my head.
Can I miss someone whom I don't remember knowing? Can I long for something which I don't recall having? Can there be a hole in the wall when I don't remember what filled that space in the first place? I guess ...yes. Since Augustine said we were restless until. Since Lewis feared to tread where even angels cannot. Since love is bigger than we know it and life has secrets we may never uncover.
It's who you give up to
Each person grows up learning how to look out for his or her well-being. Taking care when you cross the road, not talking to strangers, walking in a group at night...translates into 'don't get hurt' which goes beyond the physical level.
So the radical advice of ceasing to look out for yourself and merely focusing on one thing seems a little hard to swallow.
What if you don't see it coming Lord? After all, are you really here with me the whole time? What if you slip up? Aren't four eyes better than two? (assuming God has two!)
Sounds ridiculous that the Lord might make a mistake? I think these are the questions that lead (me) to a reluctance in surrendering.
But I think, feel, believe that surrendering is the best action anyone can do.
“Lord, I need your love in my life. Bind up the wounds in my heart, so that I can show others the way to your glorious kingdom!” (from the
Word Among Us website)
ignorance is (short term) bliss
I'm beginning to feel I only know the tip of the iceberg....about myself.
It's slightly unnerving that a silent retreat can bring to light the little squirrels that gnaw away, small creatures I seldom see or hear in the daily traffic. And when unleashed they suddenly spring up into godzilla-sized
thingies that I suddenly can't recognize the person I thought I knew. (I know a friend who hates and is afraid of squirrels, and now I can sympathize with her)
I'm not sure if I'd release them, given a choice to repeat the decision, but if I remember right this is what a Cenacle Sister said:
"It's the things you keep away in the dark that have the ability to control you."
True enough, fear is a controlling factor, and what better description of primal fear is there than the lurking darkness which hides alien creatures out of reach.
I did make a choice to want to know them (squirrels), and now that I do I can either fight or flee. The latter means I repress them once again, numb myself by past routines (it's not that tough to do), and follow pre-set model answers (easy-peasy!).
The former means re-analysing, admitting I've been wrong, re-organising perspectives, bringing barriers down.
WWJD?
argh...!
a season, a reason
How uncanny is this!
I had just read a passage from C.S. Lewis on love (last week), and later on (a few days ago) was reflecting on a gospel passage for
Oxygen. In the end I included Lewis' passage in the day's reflection because it was very apt.
Then, today, I opened a Good News reflection my mum sent me, and there it was again, the exact quoted passage:
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and probably be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the coffin or casket of your selfishness."
~C.S. Lewis
I think it means...I have to ponder on what that passage says.
