To hear you say "This one's mine"
My heart is spoken for
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
low down
its the unofficial last day of term for me! cos i'll be heading to glasgow to meet Jon Fok's best friend Kenneth with Misch by my side, and then heading to Rome to meet my parents and Daryl! yipee!!!
For my friends who are reading, may you have a blessed christmas this year! (especially if you have the chance to attend midnight mass! go for it! I know I would if I were back hom...sigh. but God gives us all good things running over, so I'm looking up!) Even if you dun celebrate christmas, like dear kim, go catch the lights in Orchard Road. We've got lights on here too in the city, though I suspect they're a re-use of Deepavali lights!!
It's been a long-drawn out few weeks, and I guess what's worse than wearing out physically are the issues that go straight to your heart. like a Long Day's Journey Into Night. But when we pass the stage of infancy, struggle through 33 years of growing pains, reach the cross, and believe in the 3 days after that, we'll know it was all worthwhile.
For my friends who are reading, may you have a blessed christmas this year! (especially if you have the chance to attend midnight mass! go for it! I know I would if I were back hom...sigh. but God gives us all good things running over, so I'm looking up!) Even if you dun celebrate christmas, like dear kim, go catch the lights in Orchard Road. We've got lights on here too in the city, though I suspect they're a re-use of Deepavali lights!!
It's been a long-drawn out few weeks, and I guess what's worse than wearing out physically are the issues that go straight to your heart. like a Long Day's Journey Into Night. But when we pass the stage of infancy, struggle through 33 years of growing pains, reach the cross, and believe in the 3 days after that, we'll know it was all worthwhile.
Saturday, November 27, 2004
Paradise Lost.
Thank God for His protection. Which comes in ways we never see coming! (the same goes for lessons He wants to teach us, it seems to me) Just as much as physical protection is needed in a world like today's, protection of the heart is just as necessary. How neccessary to build a strong fortress around it to keep it safe, or people can use you for their own purposes. For purposes I've not conceived of, nor expected could occur in such close proximity. It is really the close shaves that we praise God ever more!
I've long thought about the difference between naivety and innocence. And one such definition is this: that innocence is the decision to remain pure, devoid of evil, while naivety lacks such a choice, one is merely immersed in ignorance. Perhaps everyone starts off naive, and then has a choice whether to progress on to innocence. Or lose it.
I met this lady at the entrance of my block two days ago, who reminded me of why we should continue loving, even though things are dark. I wonder where such people get the strength to remain open, so seemingly vulnerable to hurt; I begin to wonder if that was an angel. She reminded me by her openess in speaking to me, beautifully thanking me when I opened the door for her, introducing herself, asking about me, and her "God bless". Her presence, I feel, must indeed be a blessing to people around her.
To the woolly sheep, of course I'll be a good girl! *wink* hope work IS making you lose weight (haha)
Reading about Satan in Milton's Paradise Lost. I didn't know he was anti-Catholic! I think I just changed my mind about studying him for exams. George Herbert and John Donne seem a better pick now. one MIGHT call me biased. (",)
I've long thought about the difference between naivety and innocence. And one such definition is this: that innocence is the decision to remain pure, devoid of evil, while naivety lacks such a choice, one is merely immersed in ignorance. Perhaps everyone starts off naive, and then has a choice whether to progress on to innocence. Or lose it.
I met this lady at the entrance of my block two days ago, who reminded me of why we should continue loving, even though things are dark. I wonder where such people get the strength to remain open, so seemingly vulnerable to hurt; I begin to wonder if that was an angel. She reminded me by her openess in speaking to me, beautifully thanking me when I opened the door for her, introducing herself, asking about me, and her "God bless". Her presence, I feel, must indeed be a blessing to people around her.
To the woolly sheep, of course I'll be a good girl! *wink* hope work IS making you lose weight (haha)
Reading about Satan in Milton's Paradise Lost. I didn't know he was anti-Catholic! I think I just changed my mind about studying him for exams. George Herbert and John Donne seem a better pick now. one MIGHT call me biased. (",)
Saturday, November 20, 2004
it 3.43 am. sleeping at weird times. Saw the Star Wars Episode 3: The Revenge of the Sith trailer today while catching Bridget Jones Diary 2 at the cinema today with ShiHui *grinz* May 2005!
C major - the simplest key. You are content with
where you are now, you have what you need. Some
people are happy in C major, but it is up to
you to decide to push yourself further if you
want more from your life.
what key signature are you?
brought to you by
C major - the simplest key. You are content with
where you are now, you have what you need. Some
people are happy in C major, but it is up to
you to decide to push yourself further if you
want more from your life.
what key signature are you?
brought to you by
Just had a wonderful seminar! yes, a feel-good lesson in university! How is that possible? well, it was my Renaissance Poetry seminar with Dr Rosselyn today, and it was my turn to give a presentation, which I did on George Herbert's poem Redemption. Which sparked off a debate on the existence of religion, its purpose, its actuality. One by one, as the seminar wore on, my seminar mates admitted they were Christian, or had attended a Catholic school, though some remain 'stonch' Atheists; at least we had a good talk about God and saving grace, and I hope it was a spring board for some into thinking deeper about life and our God.
I guess some part in everyone bothers what other people think about 'me'. It is a matter of extent. How I look in this outfit, what they thought when I said that, what they see of me when I hang out with this crowd. Aren't they useless thoughts? At the end of the day, we can't control what they think, true or untrue, and neither can it make a difference to the way we are. Of course, one should graciously accept constructive criticism i.e. based on what is right and moral, and change for the better. But otherwise, sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me. My grandfather used to repeat this when I was young, and all the way while I was growing up. I never believed him, never thought it was true, because I felt words could hurt much more than any physical thing! especially when the words issue from a loved one. And that doesn't change. But otherwise (and for the famous phrase to come in effect) personal power of the mind and heart must be present. Anger and hurt is not a natural conseqence to words that come from 'others' (society at large) as opposed to common belief, thus we can actually exercise such power to withstand non-sense verbal attacks.
I guess some part in everyone bothers what other people think about 'me'. It is a matter of extent. How I look in this outfit, what they thought when I said that, what they see of me when I hang out with this crowd. Aren't they useless thoughts? At the end of the day, we can't control what they think, true or untrue, and neither can it make a difference to the way we are. Of course, one should graciously accept constructive criticism i.e. based on what is right and moral, and change for the better. But otherwise, sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me. My grandfather used to repeat this when I was young, and all the way while I was growing up. I never believed him, never thought it was true, because I felt words could hurt much more than any physical thing! especially when the words issue from a loved one. And that doesn't change. But otherwise (and for the famous phrase to come in effect) personal power of the mind and heart must be present. Anger and hurt is not a natural conseqence to words that come from 'others' (society at large) as opposed to common belief, thus we can actually exercise such power to withstand non-sense verbal attacks.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Bonfire Nite
After a nite of playing fireworks! this was 2 weeks ago, on a Wednesday nite, just before official Bonfire nite. Singaporeans peppered with frens from around the world.
ow
I'm writing so much on my blog because my head feels like the concrete pavement on 6th Avenue: everyone walking on it. Definately not one of those golden-crusted Hollywood handprint tablets of famous stars. People bother to stop for those. Anyway, today has less to do with people (even tho I did have a 369 illegal gathering in which I got people in form for the next the-gang-to-show-off-how-powerful-we-are-and-rule-Geylang showdown.and after that my head hurt so much I slept, and am stil in want of sleep), and more of I'm-not-in-the-mood-to-write-up-about-Geroge-Herbert-even-though-he-does-great-metaphysical-poems. Did, rather.
lowdown on netball
nope (in response to a long distance wish *grinz*), there wasn't dinner here to celebrate Hari Raya, cos it fell on Saturday the 13th and we attended Nottingham Games, the annual sports meet of Singapore Societies held in Uni of Notts.
This year us girls played netball! I was a WA for a game and GA for another, and it was a great bonding time (dun ask about scores, U noe wat i mean!). And Jireh (VJ) was there! From Warwick Uni. And Germaine (IJ TP prefectz) too! Din see Renu (IJ TP prefectz), she couldn't make it; she just got elected Durham's Singapore Society Treasurer (",) Daphy (VJ) couldn't come too. It was this time last year when I bumped into Gladys (VJ) (but din see her this year).
To us, the netball team for this year's Notts games from Leicester! Debra (cap't), Amal, Jing Yi, Ting, Gerrie, ShiHui, ZiHui, Nai Wan (superb), and I. (note: 4 out of this 9 from IJ TP)
This year us girls played netball! I was a WA for a game and GA for another, and it was a great bonding time (dun ask about scores, U noe wat i mean!). And Jireh (VJ) was there! From Warwick Uni. And Germaine (IJ TP prefectz) too! Din see Renu (IJ TP prefectz), she couldn't make it; she just got elected Durham's Singapore Society Treasurer (",) Daphy (VJ) couldn't come too. It was this time last year when I bumped into Gladys (VJ) (but din see her this year).
To us, the netball team for this year's Notts games from Leicester! Debra (cap't), Amal, Jing Yi, Ting, Gerrie, ShiHui, ZiHui, Nai Wan (superb), and I. (note: 4 out of this 9 from IJ TP)
24/7
its one of those days where you look for a diving board to start your day off, rub your hands, do a lil' dance on the spot to warm up in that swimsuit, prep yourself as you ascend, tentatively step on the board, judges eyeing your every move.
You jump.
And for some reason the janitor foget to fill the pool up with water yesterday.
Eek. That's rather morbid. If you think about it in terms of what could happen if it really occured in reality. But notice, I did not add that in.
What actually happened was this.
I was warming up my hands, doing a lil' dance to warm up, ready to ascend to the board. Then someone rushes up to me and informs me that I have duties yet to carry out, responsibilities to take on, and I cannot do this jump. I get upset, irritated, wondering why we must take on the burdens of others, frustrated that I cannot put what I want first. Then I walk away from the board, and fulfill them.
Albeit, still irritated, still upset. But never knowing that the pool was not filled, that it was not ready for the dive.
I don't call it coincidence, 'in the nick of time'. I see it as a Divine Lesson.
"Seek Ye First The Kingdom Of God,
And All These Things Shall Be Added Unto You." Matthew 6:3
http://www.donghaeng.net/english/duty.htm
You jump.
And for some reason the janitor foget to fill the pool up with water yesterday.
Eek. That's rather morbid. If you think about it in terms of what could happen if it really occured in reality. But notice, I did not add that in.
What actually happened was this.
I was warming up my hands, doing a lil' dance to warm up, ready to ascend to the board. Then someone rushes up to me and informs me that I have duties yet to carry out, responsibilities to take on, and I cannot do this jump. I get upset, irritated, wondering why we must take on the burdens of others, frustrated that I cannot put what I want first. Then I walk away from the board, and fulfill them.
Albeit, still irritated, still upset. But never knowing that the pool was not filled, that it was not ready for the dive.
I don't call it coincidence, 'in the nick of time'. I see it as a Divine Lesson.
"Seek Ye First The Kingdom Of God,
And All These Things Shall Be Added Unto You." Matthew 6:3
http://www.donghaeng.net/english/duty.htm
Monday, November 15, 2004
I think I have Obsessive Complusive Disorder. Ususally it is attributed to the excessive necessity (apparently inherent) for cleanliness, or the overiding fear of dark places, or fear once outside of one's personal confines.
For me, its the worry that I have forgotten to do something.
And what weighs it down is the bigger worry that I will be held responsible for it.
As such, I've checked my email accounts (with a capital 'S', even the most obsolete one I opened when I was about 12 years old) about a gazillion times today just to make sure I've not forgotten anyone I've not email to.
Is it OCD or wat?
I'm hoping its just today.
As a result, the worry is giving me a terrible ache in my stomach, like little critters knawing at my insides (as opposed to butterflies; those who know me know I detest just as much!), its 9pm and I'm wanting dinner, and I've got a Old English "mini test tomorrow, please parse lines 15-66 of 'The Wanderer'". oh no I'm not complaining for the want of pity. self-pity? nah. I hereby praise God for His strength in me to keep me going! or else I'd be having baby Eoraptors in me. or worse, the aliens from Stephen King's Dreamcatcher!
=)
For me, its the worry that I have forgotten to do something.
And what weighs it down is the bigger worry that I will be held responsible for it.
As such, I've checked my email accounts (with a capital 'S', even the most obsolete one I opened when I was about 12 years old) about a gazillion times today just to make sure I've not forgotten anyone I've not email to.
Is it OCD or wat?
I'm hoping its just today.
As a result, the worry is giving me a terrible ache in my stomach, like little critters knawing at my insides (as opposed to butterflies; those who know me know I detest just as much!), its 9pm and I'm wanting dinner, and I've got a Old English "mini test tomorrow, please parse lines 15-66 of 'The Wanderer'". oh no I'm not complaining for the want of pity. self-pity? nah. I hereby praise God for His strength in me to keep me going! or else I'd be having baby Eoraptors in me. or worse, the aliens from Stephen King's Dreamcatcher!
=)
Thursday, November 11, 2004
My Perogative
I made baked pasta today! Albeit a bit salty, but I put in tuna, crabsticks, mushrooms, poured in pasta-bake sauce, topped it off with cheese (its never enuff), and popped it in the oven! hee I think it was a serving for two, and I ate like 3/5 of it...hee. Nick ate the other 2/5. That was for dinner.
Its now 3.44 am and I'm eating blueberry muffin from ASDA, the equivalent of Carrefour. I tell u, its the stress. haha =) *excuses excuses* Have been up printing for 369...figured out how to use PhotoStudio! =) whew...I'm no computer expert man.
Its now past 4am, (time delay in between, put on a pic of one of my four walls) and I'm not seeing words properly already; but stubborn me refuses to sleep. Don't ask me why, I'm too tired to think. hee. maybe it's cos I want to find out more about my friends, and have been going from blog to blog.
On the flip side of obvious narcissism (tongue-in-cheek, duh), blogs can help shrink the world.
It's getting so cold...my hands are getting numb and I'm in my room wearing a sweater. crazy Brit. been below 10 deg these few days/nights.brrr
Its now 3.44 am and I'm eating blueberry muffin from ASDA, the equivalent of Carrefour. I tell u, its the stress. haha =) *excuses excuses* Have been up printing for 369...figured out how to use PhotoStudio! =) whew...I'm no computer expert man.
Its now past 4am, (time delay in between, put on a pic of one of my four walls) and I'm not seeing words properly already; but stubborn me refuses to sleep. Don't ask me why, I'm too tired to think. hee. maybe it's cos I want to find out more about my friends, and have been going from blog to blog.
On the flip side of obvious narcissism (tongue-in-cheek, duh), blogs can help shrink the world.
It's getting so cold...my hands are getting numb and I'm in my room wearing a sweater. crazy Brit. been below 10 deg these few days/nights.brrr
Monday, November 08, 2004
TKM
I don't think people can/should comment unless they know exactly what's going on. PROBLEM IS, the other party always thinks he does but he doesn't. Not the other side of the argument, not the problems gone through to get to that point, not the trouble taken to arrive wherever, not how you actually feel about it. And maybe know, yes, with the head, but not the heart.
"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."
ANGER.
1...2...3...4...breathe
count up when u cool down, count down when u blow up.
5...4...3...2...1...ignition!
when can we stop counting? and will we want to when its near our time then?
then I remember how forgiveness is a continuous process, and try to let go.
Anger will drain your energy, energy you can spend playing a favourite sport, reading your favourite book, spending time with your family, giving a helping hand. Anger blocks out the truth, that you aren't totally made up of insecurities and self-hurt and anxieties, that you have the strength within yourself to reach out to others. and the strength to let go of those who havn't yet reached their time.
"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."
ANGER.
1...2...3...4...breathe
count up when u cool down, count down when u blow up.
5...4...3...2...1...ignition!
when can we stop counting? and will we want to when its near our time then?
then I remember how forgiveness is a continuous process, and try to let go.
Anger will drain your energy, energy you can spend playing a favourite sport, reading your favourite book, spending time with your family, giving a helping hand. Anger blocks out the truth, that you aren't totally made up of insecurities and self-hurt and anxieties, that you have the strength within yourself to reach out to others. and the strength to let go of those who havn't yet reached their time.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
5 hours
Just back from a Latin All Saints' Day Mass which started at 11am, today the daylight-saving came into effect, had 5.5 hours of sleep, had 5 hours of mad laughter and 'elusive' word puns and just plain sharing. new record!
Random events in a not-so-ramdon life. (well my parents din actually plan to say: lets have Mel on the 16th Feb!, but I sure would like to think I came into this world meeting happy expectations)
Anyway, why, you may ask, am I in a be-nice-to-me-or-I'll-bite mood? Partly cos I've got half an essay more to write up on 'Chaucer and Divine Providence in The Knight's Tale', partly cos I have to go down to practice netball later (not that I don't like it, its just the I've-got-to-get-out-of-the-house-again? syndrome), and mostly cos I'm continuously wishing things will be ok between.
It's just a wish. All things happen for a reason *see, I'm even writing an essay on Divine Providence* and one thing I believe He is teaching me is to trust. In Him. That all things come to those who wait on Him.
One thing I learnt after watching "Princess Diaries 2" yesterday is NOT to believe or fantasize in/about fairy tales. The landing and inevitable 'Welcome back to Earth' is much more painful on the rear that way! I mean, who believes in knowing your Mr/Ms Right when you've barely known the tip of the iceberg of their character? Lofty has asked me before, and my answer is still an adament "No, I don't believe in love at first sight".
oh, kim, I havn't laughed like that in ages. well, the only exceptions probably being watching "White Chicks" and "Shark Tale" and "Bride and Prejudice" and "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow". even then u beat them flat. sigh told u I spend too much for too little over here: that's 4 x 5 pounds!
see see see: Shi Hui and I went Cambridge last week. And I coincidentally, accidentally, suddenly bumped into Weiwen! who's taking engine there starting this year....he showed us round his campus, Queens' College.
Ok, back to Divine Providence, Palomon, Arcite and Theseus, Venus, Mars, and Jupitar, Boethius and Aristotle.....the real question is, did God plan that I stop right here or is it Free Will that I possess? tune in to De Consolatione Philosophaie to find out....
Random events in a not-so-ramdon life. (well my parents din actually plan to say: lets have Mel on the 16th Feb!, but I sure would like to think I came into this world meeting happy expectations)
Anyway, why, you may ask, am I in a be-nice-to-me-or-I'll-bite mood? Partly cos I've got half an essay more to write up on 'Chaucer and Divine Providence in The Knight's Tale', partly cos I have to go down to practice netball later (not that I don't like it, its just the I've-got-to-get-out-of-the-house-again? syndrome), and mostly cos I'm continuously wishing things will be ok between.
It's just a wish. All things happen for a reason *see, I'm even writing an essay on Divine Providence* and one thing I believe He is teaching me is to trust. In Him. That all things come to those who wait on Him.
One thing I learnt after watching "Princess Diaries 2" yesterday is NOT to believe or fantasize in/about fairy tales. The landing and inevitable 'Welcome back to Earth' is much more painful on the rear that way! I mean, who believes in knowing your Mr/Ms Right when you've barely known the tip of the iceberg of their character? Lofty has asked me before, and my answer is still an adament "No, I don't believe in love at first sight".
oh, kim, I havn't laughed like that in ages. well, the only exceptions probably being watching "White Chicks" and "Shark Tale" and "Bride and Prejudice" and "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow". even then u beat them flat. sigh told u I spend too much for too little over here: that's 4 x 5 pounds!
see see see: Shi Hui and I went Cambridge last week. And I coincidentally, accidentally, suddenly bumped into Weiwen! who's taking engine there starting this year....he showed us round his campus, Queens' College.
Ok, back to Divine Providence, Palomon, Arcite and Theseus, Venus, Mars, and Jupitar, Boethius and Aristotle.....the real question is, did God plan that I stop right here or is it Free Will that I possess? tune in to De Consolatione Philosophaie to find out....
Friday, October 29, 2004
Always...
Forgiveness is a continuous process. Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go, not of the memory, but of the pain that comes with remembrance. Who else can make it possible but God? Everything in our human nature shouts to seek compensation for the hurt caused, an explanation for the wrong done, even revenge. But when we realize what the real goal is, there is peace within which the world cannot give.
Monday, October 25, 2004
She will..
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I’ve had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore
It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I’ve had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore
It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Alone but never lonely....
Inward self-reflection with God's guidence (meaning u dun go off-tangent thinking terrible or unhealthy thoughts, nor fantasize or scheme) is good. It leads to self-knowledge, an important key, so have said St Teresa of Avila (The Interior Castle), Daniel Goleman(Emotional Intelligence) and The Oracle at Delphi. The stairway inward (I wonder how such a stairway would look like) is, possibly (since i'm not expert), through prayer. And then, in coming to terms with your emotions, good or evil, there is
Peace.
Joy.
Love.
Lord, help me remain in You.
Peace.
Joy.
Love.
Lord, help me remain in You.
Friday, October 15, 2004
so many deaths in this world
so many deaths in this world; you begin to wonder if its inevitable.
Inevitably, the answer is yes.
Of people you knew, through a friend, someone on the news, or someone whom you love. or used to, then. since they're gone.
Lord I only pray for hope, to continue to believe. In what? In the continuous power of Your grace, that You will heal the wounds. In the eternity of Your love, that it superceeds everything else. In the strength You had to bear the cross.
Down, but never broken. should we even be 'down'? what then is the peace that the world cannot give, nor take away? where then is the immeasurable happiness; only found in heaven? No, a piece of it is here, tho not the whole, for the world is not perfect. And it can be found within, not without. Not without grief, sadness over a betrayal, pity of another, helplessness of it all. But within the heart that continues to go on, in spite of it all. That's how we flex our muscles of the heart (or rather the heart, a muscle).
Inevitably, the answer is yes.
Of people you knew, through a friend, someone on the news, or someone whom you love. or used to, then. since they're gone.
Lord I only pray for hope, to continue to believe. In what? In the continuous power of Your grace, that You will heal the wounds. In the eternity of Your love, that it superceeds everything else. In the strength You had to bear the cross.
Down, but never broken. should we even be 'down'? what then is the peace that the world cannot give, nor take away? where then is the immeasurable happiness; only found in heaven? No, a piece of it is here, tho not the whole, for the world is not perfect. And it can be found within, not without. Not without grief, sadness over a betrayal, pity of another, helplessness of it all. But within the heart that continues to go on, in spite of it all. That's how we flex our muscles of the heart (or rather the heart, a muscle).
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
"i want to make u feel beautiful..."
Funny how a phone call back to Singapore can change my mood. To lift my spirits, to believe once again in hope. 2 calls, and a frenster msg, tat's what made me smile today, 1 meeting in Snappers, and my whole day turns grey. Make tat dark. I guess tat's what happens when one puts too many eggs into A basket. Not a prudent decision. Thank God for Shi Hui!
I attended the Leicester Uni Chorale singing practice held at Fraser Noble Blg today, with Jon Fok and Gerrie. It was great! back once again singing, part of a voice, a melody, an inspiration. I feel so uplifted when I remember my passions, and lean not on human dependencies. Round your mouth, use your diaphram, mind your f and p. Then mozart's reqeuim mass forms in chorus and the hall fills with gusto, emotion, and echos.
I attended the Leicester Uni Chorale singing practice held at Fraser Noble Blg today, with Jon Fok and Gerrie. It was great! back once again singing, part of a voice, a melody, an inspiration. I feel so uplifted when I remember my passions, and lean not on human dependencies. Round your mouth, use your diaphram, mind your f and p. Then mozart's reqeuim mass forms in chorus and the hall fills with gusto, emotion, and echos.
The Death of a Friend
O how we used to laugh
At the silliest things
Roaring brawls and gleeful mirth
Over coffee, mistakes and flings
O how we always shared
The spoils of food and daily battle
The spoilt expectations and pains
That turn us to mettle
Do you see me from above?
Opposite an empty chair, looking out
Using other worlds of black-white
To build my paper-mache, hollow, without
But the sun's out now
The cruel glare hitting home
And I see the distance between
You across the room, unknown.
written 4 Oct 2004
O how we used to laugh
At the silliest things
Roaring brawls and gleeful mirth
Over coffee, mistakes and flings
O how we always shared
The spoils of food and daily battle
The spoilt expectations and pains
That turn us to mettle
Do you see me from above?
Opposite an empty chair, looking out
Using other worlds of black-white
To build my paper-mache, hollow, without
But the sun's out now
The cruel glare hitting home
And I see the distance between
You across the room, unknown.
written 4 Oct 2004
Friday, October 01, 2004
I will remember days in avalon...
Alone. Does everyone feel tat? Are they feeling it now? Or is it jus the rise and fall of melancholy? A fren asked this question in her blog: what is a friend? Is it someone whom u say 'hi' to? Someone before whom you wear this smiling mask? Someone whom U find it easy to tell your day's details to? Someone who listens well? Someone who wants to be with you? Someone who knows your faults and failures? Someone who loves you for it? I'm so scared to let anyone in.
*knock knock*
Do I choose the people? Or do they choose me? Or does God choose for me?
*knock knock*
*knock knock*
Do I choose the people? Or do they choose me? Or does God choose for me?
*knock knock*
Friday, September 03, 2004
neurotic
The gospel today was St Luke's rendition of how Simon Peter got 'caught' by Jesus, and the leap of faith Peter took to say "but if you say so, I will". wow. It's a tough one. Everyday, all around us, the many voices outside (and in!) speak, call, shout. To hear Him is already one thing. To LISTEN is the next. Fr Stephen's homily didn't fail to 'hit' me once again; I believe he prays much, and listens. Because only then can we make an impact in others' lives, without God's direction, we'll be groping blindly in the dark, maybe striking luck sometimes, and maybe not.
Fear. It holds us back. We lose. I'm scared. Scared of fear.
And tat, ladies and gentlemen, is wat we call irony. Ha. Ha.
Skeptical me, does anyone noe? Is it a lie when I hide it? Or is it me trying to do my best to keep the ugly part in the dark? Two ends of a spectrum, and I don't know which I'm at.
And tat, ladies and gentlemen,...
I've learnt today, that its easy loving the kids, not so easy with irritating, frustrating adults. But God calls us to love them all the same.
Fear. It holds us back. We lose. I'm scared. Scared of fear.
And tat, ladies and gentlemen, is wat we call irony. Ha. Ha.
Skeptical me, does anyone noe? Is it a lie when I hide it? Or is it me trying to do my best to keep the ugly part in the dark? Two ends of a spectrum, and I don't know which I'm at.
And tat, ladies and gentlemen,...
I've learnt today, that its easy loving the kids, not so easy with irritating, frustrating adults. But God calls us to love them all the same.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health
for 369. its 3.17 am now...of course not without some chatting to ease the nite. Thanks matt for the ideas, and your constant support dude...
listening to Jay Chou's lastest, thanks to Adrian Sim :) have to train up my China-'polished' Mandarin, cos the China-born dun have a clue wat I'm saying, not to mention others of likewise species as I. sigh. So I have Ping Guan wif me too...will it work? Probably should have chatted wif Rosa more last year, I wish she's going to be there when I get back. Still havn't come up wif what to say in front of the new-initiates. probably show them how we slit the dotted line and mix our blood in a....nah, tat's too morbid, and bordering on 'haram'. haha kudos to hakim and az.
and so we spill the milk and bite back the tears.
and so we resist the wizard's spell of 'pillar of salt'.
and so we write a thesis on 'The Reason' (Hoobastank).
listening to Jay Chou's lastest, thanks to Adrian Sim :) have to train up my China-'polished' Mandarin, cos the China-born dun have a clue wat I'm saying, not to mention others of likewise species as I. sigh. So I have Ping Guan wif me too...will it work? Probably should have chatted wif Rosa more last year, I wish she's going to be there when I get back. Still havn't come up wif what to say in front of the new-initiates. probably show them how we slit the dotted line and mix our blood in a....nah, tat's too morbid, and bordering on 'haram'. haha kudos to hakim and az.
and so we spill the milk and bite back the tears.
and so we resist the wizard's spell of 'pillar of salt'.
and so we write a thesis on 'The Reason' (Hoobastank).
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
simply complicated
yup! its been 3 months since the last entry, but I'm back! so much has happened...life is that scary. and if I didn't have my Angel behind me, I prob wouldn't be as sane as I am now (of course, that is RELATIVE) hee. how do you look at the Great T, a xin-fact, without squeezing your eyes shut and covering your face because you dare not finally understand where aliens come from? how? I don't know. Courage: Not the absence of fear, but the decisive action INSPITE of fear. But when u noe its a xin....
I'm tired. And to think its the hols!The one and only 3-mth summer hols in which you'd just live in the fairy-tale so oft described in the words of models ready to turn super-models at their next Miss Universe. And so it is: a fairy-tale. Because time doesn't stop for thee, and 'this same flower that blooms today, tomorrow will be dying'. Does it seem unfair? perhaps. Am I stupid to let it be? perhaps. Or maybe sometimes we're just defenceless in the face of the Tsunami.
To the Edge of the Black Hole, and Back
Precipice, stand
On the line
That divides
Truth and the abyss
What width
Is this line
Pull, now!
Fight gravity
“Arise Lazarus”
One knows Beauty
Only being
post-grave.
written on 12 Aug 2004
I'm tired. And to think its the hols!The one and only 3-mth summer hols in which you'd just live in the fairy-tale so oft described in the words of models ready to turn super-models at their next Miss Universe. And so it is: a fairy-tale. Because time doesn't stop for thee, and 'this same flower that blooms today, tomorrow will be dying'. Does it seem unfair? perhaps. Am I stupid to let it be? perhaps. Or maybe sometimes we're just defenceless in the face of the Tsunami.
To the Edge of the Black Hole, and Back
Precipice, stand
On the line
That divides
Truth and the abyss
What width
Is this line
Pull, now!
Fight gravity
“Arise Lazarus”
One knows Beauty
Only being
post-grave.
written on 12 Aug 2004
Sunday, May 30, 2004
First ever, on my own...
Now people who know me know that I detest starting blogs because I KNOW I'm never committed to updating them. Why start a blog? Live life to the max, and APPRECIATE people and nature and events: Dun sit in your room typing about wats going on when its going on! BUT...."why start this blog?" I hear u. Because in reading several blogs belonging to close friends, my thinking changed. In ways I wanna share...Now then, tat's why people keep blogs. Becos they wanna share, wif frens, wif others, wif the world; to connect, to NOT BE ALONE. Not to allow a sad condition of life to touch them;whether it is a feasible idea or merely an illusion I cannot tell. No one has the answers. All we can do is make the best out of what we have.
So what have I read?I have read about the lives of frens: colourful, energy-filled, bursting with laughter, overflowing with friendship. The start, movement, fall of relationships, the stress of exams, the importance of family,dillusionmet, power of love. All these in the lives of my friends all over the place: Australia, Singapore, UK, CTK. I was touched by Cherry's tribute to the death of her fren; happy for the constant ongoings in Matthew's days; glad to be at Mun's birthday.
HIT by the implications of the meaning "TO LIVE"
Rehearse
Admire: Fall short of sky
Admired: A folly and lie
Aspire: To live or die
Expire.
Belief: In Him I dare not question
Believe: Or fear of rejection
Befall: Come what may, NO!
Be-Fallen.
(Masks, tears under smiles
Rage hid ‘neath wiles)
Act I: Begin
To Exeunt
written 4th Feb 2004
When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools. (Lear, IV.vi)
Rite! I've finished Stage 1 of packing! That is: 'things to store in Ben's/ Jon's place during summer'.Stage 2 under way: 'things to put in my luggage which is heading home on the 5th of June'! Absolutely can't wait!
So what have I read?I have read about the lives of frens: colourful, energy-filled, bursting with laughter, overflowing with friendship. The start, movement, fall of relationships, the stress of exams, the importance of family,dillusionmet, power of love. All these in the lives of my friends all over the place: Australia, Singapore, UK, CTK. I was touched by Cherry's tribute to the death of her fren; happy for the constant ongoings in Matthew's days; glad to be at Mun's birthday.
HIT by the implications of the meaning "TO LIVE"
Rehearse
Admire: Fall short of sky
Admired: A folly and lie
Aspire: To live or die
Expire.
Belief: In Him I dare not question
Believe: Or fear of rejection
Befall: Come what may, NO!
Be-Fallen.
(Masks, tears under smiles
Rage hid ‘neath wiles)
Act I: Begin
To Exeunt
written 4th Feb 2004
When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools. (Lear, IV.vi)
Rite! I've finished Stage 1 of packing! That is: 'things to store in Ben's/ Jon's place during summer'.Stage 2 under way: 'things to put in my luggage which is heading home on the 5th of June'! Absolutely can't wait!
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