a day of thanksgiving

I couldn't have made it through today without the support and advice from 2 of my good friends.

this is how we overcome *including mandatory jump-jump*
you have turned my mourning into dancing

thank you

I wandered into church today
Self-assured, no need to pray
The seat was silent, dark the berth
Ready to sit my hour's worth

Candles lit a lone tall mast
Turning as the aisle I passed,
She spoke gently when I drew near
"Why, do you need anything dear?"

With that, defences fell, men jumped ship
The cannon fodder took a dip
Sinking straight to bottom sea
Leaving an empty shell of me

Then faintly at first and stronger soon
The altar light grew brighter noon
Dazzling until the light made dark
Everything that surrounded the ark

Perhaps saying that I can find no words to continue to express what I gained this evening is a poor excuse, and perhaps I may find them in future, but at the moment I must say that struggling is tiring, and blessed consolation brings rest. Praise God that He will not desert us. Praise God that you may experience Him.

darkness falls

It's too dark to see....But if I don't walk now I'll lose the way.
Paralysis. Unbelief. Immobile. Fear. Too dark....

should I have been on the other path? took a right back there?
been more careful about signs? anxiously

promise. promise me.
dying to rise
encamped around
overflowing liqueur
kingdom of heaven

on I run
running away
from the place of the skull

then, lightning. that lights the sky
a fire in my heart
burning etching branding
your light

And I can run away no more.

this love song

wanna live my life with you
wanna give all that I do
wanna have each day so close to you
and love you more and more

can you see the blessings? I feel it; it's more than I've dreamt of, more than I could think of asking for. I would have asked for others to accept me, but you gave me an acceptance greater. I would have asked for joy from, but you gave me joy in.

I thought happiness would come in little packages that are soon diminished, consumed. Now you show me they are merely pieces of a puzzle, slowly coming to a beautiful whole.
My Jesus.

Life lessons I have been endowed with after 2 years of studying overseas:

1. How to appreciate celery (not enjoy, mind you)

2.Being more tolerant towards wholemeal bread
(it's all you've got when your fridge is empty)

Now it's time to do the same thing we do everyday, Pinky.....

Perhaps forgiving yourself is the hardest yet.

to you girl, who seems unhappy in that last entry...don't give up.

Don't give up on yourself. Being a leader has meant to expect more of others and of yourself, and when we fail to meet up to those standards: we're only human. carry on; greater success will come through the trudging.

to you girl, who is not well. don't let criticism eat you; use it or throw it off and away. you know you are giving your all; even if things fail anyway, believe in yourself because your abilities have not at all been rendered invalid. It is not you who failed, but the situation. may you find solace in your quiet moments

to you girl, who feel the anger and hurt; don't stab yourself. Other's actions does not equate to you being unlovable. Don't believe that for a second. Just look at your gifts blooming!

I will pray for your grandpa, for great peace and faith.

in the spotlight 

she's goin' in!
Mel: "she looks so pretty!"
Matt: "nah...she knew people going to take photo, so she put make-up..."

(Jo, you can fire him now)

Osama with a make-over. VS Bushy-hair 

all hard at work! alex looks so blur! poor dude...must be really tired... 

Leicester
-1ºCFreezing Fog
Wind: S at 6 km/h
Humidity: 93%

if only Man merely needs 3 hours of sleep everyday

~written at 5.33am

my dad took photos of Christ the King's Feastday Funfair yesterday and I got to see them!
Looking at them made me feel...so excited, as though I was right there with YLM...caught a glimpses of Alex's painted face, Eddie hard at work, Adrian Ant Stefan Addison and Rachel on stage performing (congrats for 2nd place!), Iggy K at the dunking machine, Moarie and food stall, Julian and Fr. S. on stage, Fr. P., Mabel, Shannon, Peter, Joann about to be dunked, my mum selling drinks...I can almost hear the bustle! Must have been a tiring day, as it usually is, but the whole set-up looked great! Of course there were many (unidentifiable) people in CTK-Youth tees *hee hee* I wannnnnt!

7.27am. Havn't slept, and there's the moon still high on the 7 sky. view from out my window. draw a breath of crisp fresh air.

Michael Buble concert in London

Jenny and I made a trip to London mid-week....

We arrived at Hammersmith Station, just in time for.....

! (the pic says it all)

In front of the concert hall, tickets in hand.

waiting in anticipation....

Belting out You and I, Come Fly with Me, Moondance, Home, Feeling Good, Save the Last Dance for Me, A Song For You...and even Maroon 5's This Love!

And then all of a sudden he invited everyone to get up and dance! so we took the chance and rushed to the front...

an amicable and humourous entertainer

Standing ovation at the last.
A night to remember...

dinner: consumed by 10.30pm

one turkey wrap with mayo and sun-dried tomato tortilla, raspberry jam and bread, a turkey-cheese-sandwich, garlic-and-herb potato wedges, scrambled eggs, sardines with chilli, oven-baked BBQ chicken wings, last night's leftover garlic-mushroom-tuna-sausage-pasta baked with cheese, a sauerkraut, and rice.

serious.

good stuff

disparate

Freud: the poets knew the Unconscious first and continue to know it best because they immerse themselves in the process.

I would send them but I know that it's just not enough ~Home

When a poet's mind is perfectly equipped for its work, it is constantly amalgamating disparate experience; the ordinary man's experience is chaotic, irregular, fragmentary.
-T.S. Eliot, "The Metaphysical Poets"

I'm no superman (a line from that theme song of Scrubs)

Last night; Evangelion; three-quarter moon; -2 degrees; headphones; cold window pane; frosted roof-tops; especially bright in the night; Romersholm; Tennyson's lyrics; dark; Shinji Ikari; cards; until 8
-Real, not realistic

Repeat One

home

this one says it all
have a listen if you get the chance to

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

~Home, Michael Buble

so I'll run until I find you
where your arms are open wide

you're the only one I treasure
you're the one that I adore
to be with you forever
and love you more and more

~Forevermore, Parachute Band

In the poignant pain, to reach for the best hug.
The choice between hope and despair. Choose hope; ours is not merely optimism, not an illusion, not blind faith. Once you feel those arms you can't deny He loves....just once in a lifetime. After that, it's forevermore.

nightwatch

Just back from uni. after my Ibsen seminar. It was a short one hour one today; yes, it went by quickly. Unlike this morning's lecture on Jane Austen. Ever heard someone read an academic journal article too fast for an hour while you're obliged to sit quietly (as though you couldn't read for yourself if given the text)? That's how it was: strict no-no for a LECTURE ie. presentation where students learn and take down notes instead of wondering at the lecturer's syntax.... "few critics were not uncomfortable" (and there's only one example here because I'm obviously still wondering at what the rest mean)

It's 5.30pm now, and the sky is pitch dark. Looks like 10 pm SG. But on really clear nights the sky is beautiful! There are so many stars, and more appearing all the time ...that you can't believe your eyes. 3 of us even laid out a sleeping bag in the garden (when it was 12 deg. outside) to skygaze at midnight.

wondering what my friends back home are doing now. at the end of exams, at the start, doing Os (my bro.), preparing for our Feast Day, writing, sleeping, at the movies, preparing for concerts, at meetings on saturday afternoons, at uni., at poly., at home. I miss you guys.

Just received a letter from my family. It is a package actually, and includes a video of my cousin's wedding and the liturgy booklet for the ceremony! Can't wait to watch it; I bet she's stunning. Am so happy for her: her first love, her first boyfriend for more than 8 years.

Also inside is a really cute pop-up-stand-up greeting card of the characters from the Snoopy comic, all dressed in Japanese attire; under each one is written our name.

I love you guys.

I'd just woken up, and spurred on by guilt sat down at my desk to study (not that I endorse education through manipulation of conscience).
And I read...

the great and only possible dignity of man lies in his power deliberately to choose certain moral values by which to live as steadfastly as if he too, like a character in a play, were immured against the corrupting rush of time. There is no way to beat the game of being against non-being

~Tennessee Williams (American playwright of A Streetcar Named Desire, Suddenly Last Summer)

at which point a greater urge than completing an assessed essay hit me.





Eyes of the Dragon

Drink deep of the wells
To ripened wisdom of years
Illuminated darkness, hidden in
Portals of clear crystal

Bespeaks of innocence pure
Through pools that have seen demons
And fight and bleed and scar
To stain the stainless white

And with thee fade away into the forest dim-
Fade far away, dissolve, and quite forget
What thou among the leaves hast never known,
The weariness, the fever, and the fret
Here, where men sit and hear each other groan...

~Keats, Ode to a Nightingale

I cannot presume I know
It is Dido's own, and not mine
Though it echos through time
To touch us of this day.

But no; you were not meant to die
Immortal bird, sing again
The spirit that soars on high
should not forget
dear friend of mine.

through the looking glass

Fr. T once said we all are our own murderers: knife-to-heart twist twist twist

I still look for evidence. to explain the age-old question why?
perhaps to sneer, perhaps to laugh, perhaps to cry.
every day, every month, I morbidly search for more, and find it.
familiar rings a bell so like you can't be true

recognition

guess I'd rather be wrong then know my accusation was true.

then, the edges soften as ages grow
and soon before long I come to know
there is no answer to why or when or how could you
there is no end in sit-and-stew

lifted, only left with a trace of tear
a ghost that leaves nothing to fear
within yourself this peace may you find
surrender, truly, to live sublime