what can assuage the guilt of man?
every moment is life, which means every moment is a step towards or backwards, for we can never not make a choice, and even choosing not to decide is deciding, which means we have either moved back or forth.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
what dreams may come
I'm an outsider, in all senses of the word. Even to myself, a feeling which Freud acerbates as I read him (and I have no chioce in this).
I feel like I have little choice in anything nowadays, except to pray or not to pray.
In a 'deep conversation' (as Adama called it) with Wong Fei Hong yesterday, he told me that "It's your difference from others that will bring success". Not me per se; his idiom encompasses everyone. I have difficulty integrating this with my experience...or maybe I'm just not seeing far enough.
I can't interpret my dream, maybe you can:
I am back in my house, familiar and cosy, with my parents when suddenly my older sister's boyfriend (? I don't have a sister) whom I've not met before enters and I feel like he's intruding and making use of my parents. He's asking for something, money or some kind of advantage that he's planning not to return, and I get angry. I start arguing with him to leave, but no one else believes me and he's given the money (or whatever he'd asked for). Then a stranger comes in, looking very much like Billy Bob Thornton (??), whom no one knows but he's invited in and made comfortable in my house. Now I'm really frustrated and insulted and a bigger quarrel begins between the two of us, yet again my parents are indifferent to his presence and leave to go somewhere. I'm left alone with this old man (Billy-look-alike) and when a third stranger (he remains in shadow but is a bulky figure with a top hat) enters and goes ahead to sleep in my bed, I lose it and all energy to fight. So I crouch down somewhere in the house (because my bed's been taken) and someone (maybe it's Billy-look-alike, maybe not) is sympathetic and comes over. Without saying much, or even anything, his presence is enough.
To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause
-From Shakespeare's Hamlet, in his famous speech beginning "To be, or not to be..."
I feel like I have little choice in anything nowadays, except to pray or not to pray.
In a 'deep conversation' (as Adama called it) with Wong Fei Hong yesterday, he told me that "It's your difference from others that will bring success". Not me per se; his idiom encompasses everyone. I have difficulty integrating this with my experience...or maybe I'm just not seeing far enough.
I can't interpret my dream, maybe you can:
I am back in my house, familiar and cosy, with my parents when suddenly my older sister's boyfriend (? I don't have a sister) whom I've not met before enters and I feel like he's intruding and making use of my parents. He's asking for something, money or some kind of advantage that he's planning not to return, and I get angry. I start arguing with him to leave, but no one else believes me and he's given the money (or whatever he'd asked for). Then a stranger comes in, looking very much like Billy Bob Thornton (??), whom no one knows but he's invited in and made comfortable in my house. Now I'm really frustrated and insulted and a bigger quarrel begins between the two of us, yet again my parents are indifferent to his presence and leave to go somewhere. I'm left alone with this old man (Billy-look-alike) and when a third stranger (he remains in shadow but is a bulky figure with a top hat) enters and goes ahead to sleep in my bed, I lose it and all energy to fight. So I crouch down somewhere in the house (because my bed's been taken) and someone (maybe it's Billy-look-alike, maybe not) is sympathetic and comes over. Without saying much, or even anything, his presence is enough.
To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause
-From Shakespeare's Hamlet, in his famous speech beginning "To be, or not to be..."
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Groceries
I bought lots and lots of good food today at Tesco and Fresh Asia! Strawberries, kimchi dumplings, tofu, soya bean drink, wasabi peas, cream, honey mustard pasta, carbonara sauce, humous, mature chedder cheese, TANG YUAN! and much more...
Been putting off going to the supermarket for weeks now (yes, I've been starving) because of the rain and work and lazy bones, but today I was left with no choice because I could no longer stand baked beans and plain rice, and I had cancelled with Yanyan for an Italian dinner because of a panic attack (non-serious) so I trudged off to find food glorious food in the afternoon.
Just got a message from sg, and it made me smile (BIG grin) because it was about a mathematical equation (7x7) My favourite person!
Which is so rare nowadays (mathematical equations... and who grins to themselves when they are alone?!) Well, JFok maybe ... hehe just kidding! So happy I got him excited about Heroes too! Yataaa! So at least I know I'm not alone in favouring otaku-san... =)
Been putting off going to the supermarket for weeks now (yes, I've been starving) because of the rain and work and lazy bones, but today I was left with no choice because I could no longer stand baked beans and plain rice, and I had cancelled with Yanyan for an Italian dinner because of a panic attack (non-serious) so I trudged off to find food glorious food in the afternoon.
Just got a message from sg, and it made me smile (BIG grin) because it was about a mathematical equation (7x7) My favourite person!
Which is so rare nowadays (mathematical equations... and who grins to themselves when they are alone?!) Well, JFok maybe ... hehe just kidding! So happy I got him excited about Heroes too! Yataaa! So at least I know I'm not alone in favouring otaku-san... =)
Friday, February 23, 2007
Continuously playing How To Save A Life by The Fray
will it never cease?
can-not e-ra-di-cate
between the lines of fear and blame
the difference between all man
each and every man
No matter how alike, liked, close, closed, understood, stood up, you feel you are to the other, there will never be perfect harmony, everlasting peace
That's why the greatest of these is love, because love is a decision, not merely a warm and fuzzy emotion (though it can be at times)
“Our Hearts Are Restless, Until They Rest In Thee, O Lord" Saint Augustine
can-not e-ra-di-cate
between the lines of fear and blame
the difference between all man
each and every man
No matter how alike, liked, close, closed, understood, stood up, you feel you are to the other, there will never be perfect harmony, everlasting peace
That's why the greatest of these is love, because love is a decision, not merely a warm and fuzzy emotion (though it can be at times)
“Our Hearts Are Restless, Until They Rest In Thee, O Lord" Saint Augustine
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Thanks guys!!
OH MY GOSH! I got something in the mail today, and realise I actually have more people I want to thank (and who must have been keeping a secret for a week now!)
MY HEARTFELT LOVE to Matt, Stell, Eddie, Chris, Leonard, Nick, Esper, Cheryl, Jo and Hil!!!
I even got cookies which I believe Cheryl baked? whoa!!
And my favourite wasabi seaweed: I'm going to open a pack tonight! (I'll TRY to ration heehee)
AH! It's a gorgeous surprise which has cheered up my cold winter!!
MY HEARTFELT LOVE to Matt, Stell, Eddie, Chris, Leonard, Nick, Esper, Cheryl, Jo and Hil!!!
I even got cookies which I believe Cheryl baked? whoa!!
And my favourite wasabi seaweed: I'm going to open a pack tonight! (I'll TRY to ration heehee)
AH! It's a gorgeous surprise which has cheered up my cold winter!!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
song of the moment
Will you stay with me
Will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
Fields of Gold, with Michelle Kwan on ice
Will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
Fields of Gold, with Michelle Kwan on ice
Many many many MANY thanks to mum, dad, matt, chee seng, fabian, chan, spyke, siumei, jfok, shell, nat, dre, ken li, sim, amanda, fangfang, gerrie, ee ee, james, dan, stel, yan-yan, jingyi for all the wishes, whatever shape or size they came in - no matter if they were missed calls (and I'm so sorry but I heard my phone ringing in class and could not pick it up, because so did my lecturer!) or messages - since they were all of love and care and I would not ask for more!!!
If you press me to tell why I loved [my friend], I feel that this cannot be expressed, except by answering: Because it was he, because it was I.
-Michel de Montaigne (1533–1592), French essayist. “Of Friendship,” The Essays (Les Essais), bk. I, ch. 28, Abel Langelier, Paris (1595).
If you press me to tell why I loved [my friend], I feel that this cannot be expressed, except by answering: Because it was he, because it was I.
-Michel de Montaigne (1533–1592), French essayist. “Of Friendship,” The Essays (Les Essais), bk. I, ch. 28, Abel Langelier, Paris (1595).
Sunday, February 11, 2007
moving
The most touching line of the week (actually, for two weeks):
Imogen embraces Posthumus
Posthumus: "Hang there like fruit, my soul,
til the tree die."
-From Shakespeare's Cymbeline, seen today in Birmingham with Yan-yan
Friday, February 09, 2007
sno! (Jen has copyright for this word)
I woke up this morning, and it was....SNOWING!
Bright, white and cold outside, warm and comfy in!
Well, I headed out in the frosty afternoon to the library.
Everywhere there were snowball fights going on (people loading supermarket trolleys with snowballs as ammo!) and others making snowmen...
So my friends and I rolled around a bit...
And started building a snow-family =)
Success! (After 2 hours of hard work) teehee!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
My Hero Is You by Hayden Panettiere
I never saw the way
You sacrificed
Who knew the price you paid
How can I make it right
I know I've gotta try
When my world goes crazy
You won't let go
When the ground gets shaky
You give me hope
When I try to push you away
You never move, yeah
Now when I start doubting
You help me see
There's a strength, and a mind, and a power in me
Oh believe there ain't nothing I can't do
My hero is you, yeah
My hero is you
And I hope that you can see
You're everything that I wanna be
To Jesus, Mum, Dad, Matt, Dre, Mag Low, Ms Lian
You sacrificed
Who knew the price you paid
How can I make it right
I know I've gotta try
When my world goes crazy
You won't let go
When the ground gets shaky
You give me hope
When I try to push you away
You never move, yeah
Now when I start doubting
You help me see
There's a strength, and a mind, and a power in me
Oh believe there ain't nothing I can't do
My hero is you, yeah
My hero is you
And I hope that you can see
You're everything that I wanna be
To Jesus, Mum, Dad, Matt, Dre, Mag Low, Ms Lian
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
this is getting worse and worse
missed lessons, stressed, deadlines approaching, research insufficient, sick, prospect of loneliness, forgiveness to ask, reparations to make
and then a death
which should place all things in perspective
only it hasn't, and things are in
Chaos
a mess
Uncertainty
the palm of Your hand
Finally she could stand it no longer. One day when everyone was out she crept up to the box, took the huge key, fitted it carefully into the lock and turned it. She lifted the lid to peep in but before she realised it the room was filled with terrible things: disease, despair, malice, greed, old age, death, hatred, violence, cruelty and war. She slammed the lid down and turned the key again...keeping only the spirit of hope inside.
missed lessons, stressed, deadlines approaching, research insufficient, sick, prospect of loneliness, forgiveness to ask, reparations to make
and then a death
which should place all things in perspective
only it hasn't, and things are in
Chaos
a mess
Uncertainty
the palm of Your hand
Finally she could stand it no longer. One day when everyone was out she crept up to the box, took the huge key, fitted it carefully into the lock and turned it. She lifted the lid to peep in but before she realised it the room was filled with terrible things: disease, despair, malice, greed, old age, death, hatred, violence, cruelty and war. She slammed the lid down and turned the key again...keeping only the spirit of hope inside.
Monday, February 05, 2007
nothing clears the flu like a goodypoody bowl of rich double chocolate ice cream...
Damn, it didn't work.
Have I lost them, after all those years, after all these years? Because I couldn't be by your side, to cheer or playfully jeer, to cajole or go kallang bowl, and simply just to listen, which is what I should have done dear friend. I am sorry
Dre, thanks for telling me about mag low and her husband; it's such shocking news...I wonder how old he was. And though she is a strong lady, I can't imagine how it feels to lose half of life. Like you said, we'll be praying for her and her family, especially that her own faith and hope may be strong. She's the reason why I'm here doing literature.
Damn, it didn't work.
Have I lost them, after all those years, after all these years? Because I couldn't be by your side, to cheer or playfully jeer, to cajole or go kallang bowl, and simply just to listen, which is what I should have done dear friend. I am sorry
Dre, thanks for telling me about mag low and her husband; it's such shocking news...I wonder how old he was. And though she is a strong lady, I can't imagine how it feels to lose half of life. Like you said, we'll be praying for her and her family, especially that her own faith and hope may be strong. She's the reason why I'm here doing literature.
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