a season, a reason

How uncanny is this!

I had just read a passage from C.S. Lewis on love (last week), and later on (a few days ago) was reflecting on a gospel passage for Oxygen. In the end I included Lewis' passage in the day's reflection because it was very apt.

Then, today, I opened a Good News reflection my mum sent me, and there it was again, the exact quoted passage:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and probably be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the coffin or casket of your selfishness."

~C.S. Lewis

I think it means...I have to ponder on what that passage says.

A Fairy Tale: The Rose of the Beast

Just enough moisture to keep it alive
As long as the beast lives
Breathing artificial air
Within a glass, window-less cell

Exposed for all to see
But hidden, weeping to grieve
As it races towards a time
When red, rosy petals strew below

When its protector is laid to rest
And its jailer is no more
But perhaps Beauty will intervene
She who sleeps now, awaken to battle!

re-cognition

I know why I'm afraid! It's because if I try and I can't make it (whatever that means - criticism, lack of quantity etcetc) then I'll feel as though my (imagined, perceived) meaning in life has come to an end.

It's the twenty-fifth of July today, but that's not supposed to mean anything...
Guess what I mean to say is, maybe I should check out the free admission to the Art Museum later on.

"Lord Jesus, make my heart like yours. Give me the love and courage to look beyond myself and to serve others generously, as you did." (from the reflection at the Word Among Us website)

open arms

The Lord...always provides a way back to Him. No matter what we have done.

That's what I received from watching the chronicles of King David - how even a sinful person, but a repentant one who desires to be a servant of God (again), may struggle through hardship but will never be alone.

Even after all the noise of the world - worries, glamour, insults, accusations, misdeeds, misunderstandings, duties - God still waits for us in the quiet of our rooms, our hearts.

The boy looked in his lunchbox
at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do
there were thousands to be fed

But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus
the kindness in His smile
and the boy cried out
with the trust of a child
he said:

"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
to feed them all"

~Corrinne May, 'Five Loaves and Two Fishes'

U-HUuuuuu!

Something tells me its when I stop trying, tugging, pulling, struggling...then will I be at peace. Then will I be satisfied. Then will I see what I have already.

It's such a common-sense equation, 1 +1 =2.

Then why do I feel it's just as tough as playing Jeremy's game of 'you have to remember to forget that you are playing this game of trying to forget, or else you lose and you're out of the game"?

Maybe because I think UHU glue can fix everything, so I try to piece the pieces back, only to find that it looks worse, plus I get glooey fingers!

Maybe I'll find some joy in peeling off all the dried glue....I do, you know =)

The Milky Way

Beyond the shelter of white chalk
I've stepped out
Unto some kind of uneven ground
into swirling mists, and moving lights

Almost able to peer into
The future, but not quite
What I had expected does not
make sense into nonsense

Still, an absence of fear
For which I am grateful
but suspicious,
for when do we leave that behind?

Suspiciously excited step
Cautiously edging step
Uncertain bridging step
Kill expectation step

"Maybe there is nothing,"
said in the hope of something.

~inspired by choir practice, ronan, warwick, oxford, chat, proud without pride, shining eyes, lost and looking for dinner, a cut on the hand, fumble-mumble

One-fifth of a century later

When I was a kid at 5, maybe 7, my dad took me to the Science Centre. There, he bought me a green Wall's ice-cream, the one with a white centre. I loved that brand then, because when the treat was in my tummy what was left was an ice-cream stick with a quote or question on it.

That one time, the question (visible even before you eat the green-white ice-lolly, while the answer was hidden on the other end of the stick) was, "What is at the end of everything?"

And I remember thinking, "What could it be? Is it heaven, like what I was taught? Or nothing, and we just go in the ground? Or something so unimaginable that nobody can describe?"

All throughout the process of gobbling down the treat I was thinking. I even forgot to enjoy the ice-cream that one time (regretting it later, I recall) because I wanted badly to get at the answer.

Finally, it came out. The answer: The letter 'g'

Of course, how could I not have known!

And I still keep that ice-cream stick in one of my 'memories' boxes today, because that was the day some lessons began.

Like realising some answers are right in front of me.
Like coming to understand that there are concepts too big for me to understand, and trying to do so will only make me overlook the things I have at the moment.
Like seeing that each one has its time - I don't know who controls the timing, it's just not me.
Like comprehending an end will come, and we will reach full-circle.

Today, I know the names of these lessons, but I'm still learning them.
They are: Wisdom, Grace, Faith and Hope.

no name game

I was given a marble the other day
"Hold it," I was told
But I disobey

Am I that kid
who gobbled the first marshmallow
Because I couldn't bid?

The marble stank
It burned, it pinched, it accused
too tight, too loose

I can't make up my mind
whether to run treadmill
Til I get brought the bill

Or just fall down
And break my crown
Maybe I can ask Mr Brown