Amen indeed

"A faithful friend is a strong shelter, and whoever has found one has found a treasure. Nothing is comparable to a faithful friend, and no weight of silver or gold is worth more than the goodness of his fidelity. A faithful friend is a medicine for life and immortality; and those who fear the Lord will find one. He who fears God will have a similar good friendship, because his friend will be like him."

Sirach 6:14-17

Anointed

Yay! Thank God! I made the difficult call (praying first) and it turned out to be not-so-difficult after all!

On our Feast of Christ the King: An anointed priest, an anointed Mass, an anointed people. Praise God, remembering that even if people and priests fall away, God's love is stronger than death, and there are saints and martyrs and priests who are sacrificing themselves for Him.

In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us

Today is a day of putting the house in order. There are still many things left to do but I'm glad I struggled through the mental inertia throughout the day and checked off a number of items. I found it really useful to write out a list, especially when things got jumbled up and the monster just kept growing bigger and bigger.

Still, I'm a little discouraged that I didn't manage to clear the hurdle of two major items: one that needs to be completed by Monday (despite a busy day tomorrow playing wedding planner and airport chauffeur), and another that requires me to say 'no' on behalf of a friend. I can barely say 'no' to stand up for myself! Make that three major items: I wanted to apply for that but time is running out fast and there may not be enough time before the deadline for next year's entry. Then again, I knew this long ago and didn't make a move because the monster said I would fail. It's still telling me that.

The monster's name is fear.  I can hear that monster taunting me everytime it has a chance - when I'm ill (and I have been for more than 2 weeks), when I try to weigh the pros and cons (it tells me the sacrifice is not worth it, that I have to give up too much, that I will be lonely).

Lord, I claim your promise that you are greater than any power on heaven and on earth, greater than any principalities, greater than life or death, and that nothing can separate me from Your love.

sing to me

I've been listening to more music (my selection on the iPod) in the past week than all the music added up in the past 6 months before this week.

It's because my muse has no voice, and has to borrow words from arias already written, strings already strummed, keys long-worn. Just like Ovid's Echo, her melody will go unheard, unnoticed, washed away as the lily withers, because she cannot, must not, step out of line.

It's not a cruel nor violent fate, just a sad ending which aptly ends every good book.

And I want to be a good book.

Sing to me of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns
driven time and again off course, once he had plundered
the hallowed heights of Troy.
~That which begins Homer's The Odyssey

"Enough, enough now."

~A line from Love Actually, in one of my favourite scenes

And with it the dust settles. Joni Mitchell's Both Sides Now comes to mind. But for now I will close the door.


Because I'm still believing all of the things you said.

My heart is spoken for

I had goosebumps and tingling hands from hearing this song again. Not metaphorically speaking, but literally!

It brings me back 6 years ago, to a place where I could proclaim


To hear you say "This one's mine" 
My heart is spoken for

Spoken For - MercyMe

I don't even have to speak, to move, to act, to dance, to sing
You chose me, as you chose each and every one of us
Hand-picked by the Saviour
My words are only a shadow of the joy

she hangs upon the cheek of night

I suspect, God, you have been very naughty and have pushed me in the deep-end so that I will depend on you.

sigh. Thank you. :)

neural stimulus at 1am

Needs to shut down my big head before I turn into megamind. And it has nothing to do with my brain capacity -_- I'm trying to stop thinking...

...and so, since it looks like there's no 'off' switch...

There is the spoken word, the unspoken word, and a whole lot of space-debris in-between. So much of what we say gets smashed up on rocky bits of this-and-that, interference criss-cross lines gossip and what-not, while what we don't say suffer an even unhappier fate.

At least, that's from my point of view. There are some who champion the unspoken inasmuch as it does no good to further the greater good of the human race. But who are we to judge? I do agree we have to take responsibility over our own words and refrain from that which causes harm, but how do we know when something said will do no good? *said in frustration by a proponent of the spoken word, realizing she may be wrong, that she is wrong because all this is turning into verbiage - superfluous overabundance*

Today's first reading goes:
For a bishop as God’s steward must be blameless, not arrogant,  not irritable, not a drunkard, not aggressive, not greedy for sordid gain, but hospitable, a lover of goodness, temperate, just, holy, and self-controlled, holding fast to the true message as taught so that he will be able both to exhort with sound doctrine and to refute opponents.
~Titus 1:7

It's the temperate, just and self-controlled part I'm worried about. First there were options. And then there were answers, praise God. Now it's the "hang in there and don't lose your head" bit, which renders the aforesaid qualities necessary. Absolutely necessary.

Dad turned on the tv yesterday while I was reading Lucado's Facing Your Giants, and the first words to issue from the black box were
The night is darkest just before the dawn.
Thank you Harvey Two-Face Dent for your words of wisdom although you're a bad guy I guess God, on top of wanting to show me that he can make crooked lines straight, also means to indicate that the night is necessary. That the darkness is there so we can cherish the light. That, like in one of the Batman cartoons I watched so long ago, the pitch-black will help us to separate truth and falsehood so that we can head for the dawn.

crossroads

the title says it all. big time major league pointing in multiple directions. choice. free will. God's will.

what should I make of it? as usual I'm petrified into immobility. But sooner or later (hopefully sooner) I will have to have to move my queen.

captured

朋友 一生一起走

那些日子 不再有

一句话 一辈子

一生情 一杯酒

朋友 不曾孤单过

一声朋友 你会懂

还有伤 还有痛

还要走 还有我

 

Finally, a mandarin song which I can understand!

More importantly, a meaningful song that reminds me of yesteryears.

 

In other unrelated issues, I realize I love the drive to school and back home. Barring bad traffic jams and being late for meetings, I enjoy the time I have on my own, powering a vehicle that can swing me up the lornie highway and swop me around the woodlands bend. Throw in the music  - oh! a prayer said twice - and I sometimes wish for my destination to be a little bit further.

It would be 

a glorious moment

if I could capture

the endless journey

along that old, familiar road

in the palm of my hand

and never let go.

"And inwardly..." "You are renewed day by day?!" =D

Sigh. When I can't write something inspirational I let pictures do the talking.

Reflection: What will the storm bring? wonders fragility.
Who am I? I am too small!
I wish to be bigger, I wish to be bigger...

I made you as you are, and gave you what you have
I control the winds of change, and give you grace to endure
Do not despise the lessons you have been given
I will be here for you, as I was for David

Armoured regiment

时间可以治愈一切...

A phrase a day keeps the dragoons at bay!

Had a close shave with a panic attack today because I realized some deadlines are looming closer and no one else is worried :( Plus, when school ends and most people are gone I don't know who will be doing the legwork. Wait, I do know who shall play the light calvary in November! But I can't do it alone!

I can (i) charge ahead (and probably die in action) (ii) flee (which I hate) (iii) try and find a faulty portcullis and sneak into the enemy's stronghold.

warning: real life

I knew it, I saw it coming, I allowed it to happen. saw the red alert flashing/narrow grin/slit eyes/beautiful face/i'm sure a good soul-mixed up with-the haze of the day, coming right up!
I'm a small fry.

*insert Munch's 'The Scream' here*

multiple paths divergent onto the unbeaten track
the signboards are wrong, I seem to think,
while everyone else is asleep.

I'd try to write coherently but it's 1am after Rachmaninov in the wild west and I'm too scared to show myself for who I really am.
good nite!

Two-way mirror

I saw a man through the looking glass
And knew he wasn't quite ok
From afar he looked normal enough
But on closer inspection his mind was a little grey

He sat alone with a smile on his face
Talking to no one in particular
At times, he would flap his hands about
And yet, that kind smile, I wouldn't call peculier

He had an air of gentle ease
Not self-conscious in the least
No one bothered about him much
He was, to them, a leaf in the breeze

Try as I might, I couldn't tell what
Day-dream he was indulging, for
That smile on his face, like Mr Cat's
Was as enigmatic as a closed door.

Hello, my friend, I said to him
Right across the looking glass
Our eyes met for one brief sec
And he saw another closed door.

peek-a-poo

"What a dump...I just told you, What a DUMP!"  exclaimed Martha (or something like that)

A pekingese poodle
Sat eating noodle
Picking her nose and, hey!

Along came a mobster
And shot her fox trotter
Who left her nothing but hay.

So they say, know thyself

a hop, a skip, then a misstep
but it's ok, I've got nine lives
regret will not be my friend
nor caring, my neighbour

I climb the tree branches,
up up and away
far from the maddening crowd
into dense thickness

Until I find my servant
my soothing mockingbird
who will taunt me to sleep
and hopskipsing for my money

I don't need the bag lady's pity
Nor the crazy cat lady's food
Where others clamour I avoid
Stalking with an upturned tail: disgust

Slowly, in the growing darkness,
the silence thickens and I am
where I wish to be: all

alone.

grief

what is it that can pierce
through a veil of sorrow
to look upon a bygone face
of beauty and grace
and feel no regret, only a deep
utter, almost-breaking
love for the person you were
who reflects us all

that is why we so mourn, so grieve
you like a dear friend, far or near
because we see ourselves in you

Treasure in

What do you run on when you're out of faith?
Then I looked up and saw a framed Lord's Prayer before me on the table, with the picture of Jesus praying, and I knew.

The recent setback has hit me pretty hard, I have to admit. I guess I didn't only put in energy and time, but also my belief.

belief (italicised, bold, colour)

And now I'm forced to question: How much do I want this, how much more would I give up for it, were my beliefs founded on false promptings, what would others say?

When I was asked today how I felt now, I said: defeated.
In fact, I shouted it DEFEATED! *eek, sorry to the poor listener*

Yet, I also recall a certain message that talked about jars of clay...

"Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing...

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."

And now, I think, I need to find out what it means.
Amen.

If I could search the world for an answer for you, I would

If I could search the world for an answer for you, I would.

Don't inflict this pain on yourself. Don't give in to the loneliness.
Don't lose hope in the person you are; don't give up.

I see what cuts right down to your soul. I see it in your eyes.
I know you feel a desert around you now - don't, don't give in.

How many words does it take to build a bridge to you?
That you may walk across the empty space to safety
Into the arms of one who knows you, of one who made you
Into the land of the light

And even if you don't hear me now, don't see me
Even if you feel you're lost
I'll stand here, unnoticed, to protect you, my child
No matter what it costs me, I'll be here

~To those suffering