grief

what is it that can pierce
through a veil of sorrow
to look upon a bygone face
of beauty and grace
and feel no regret, only a deep
utter, almost-breaking
love for the person you were
who reflects us all

that is why we so mourn, so grieve
you like a dear friend, far or near
because we see ourselves in you

Treasure in

What do you run on when you're out of faith?
Then I looked up and saw a framed Lord's Prayer before me on the table, with the picture of Jesus praying, and I knew.

The recent setback has hit me pretty hard, I have to admit. I guess I didn't only put in energy and time, but also my belief.

belief (italicised, bold, colour)

And now I'm forced to question: How much do I want this, how much more would I give up for it, were my beliefs founded on false promptings, what would others say?

When I was asked today how I felt now, I said: defeated.
In fact, I shouted it DEFEATED! *eek, sorry to the poor listener*

Yet, I also recall a certain message that talked about jars of clay...

"Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing...

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."

And now, I think, I need to find out what it means.
Amen.