Flowers of time

And there is this: some kind of amends today as I wish you well, after all the years of feeling betrayed.

Not by you, primarily, but you were involved and I could not swallow it, could not stomach it for a long long time.

Yet seeing how you have blossomed, how you have changed (I believe), I realize that
seeds have second chances to be re-sown, and people have second chances to be re-grown.

And I am able to pray for you with a deep, heartfelt hope that you may be well.

let my prayer be

The Opening Prayer of the Mass for the Third Sunday of the Year reads as follows:


Let us pray
(pleading that our vision may overcome our weakness)
Almighty Father,

Your love exceeds the furthest expression of our human longing,

for You are greater than the human heart.

Direct each thought, each effort in our life,

so that the limits of our faults and weaknesses

may not obscure the vision of Your glory

or keep us from the peace You have promised.

9 years on

Now that I think about it, maybe H was right.
He'd messaged me late on the night before my A Level Literature paper to tell me that my downfall would be caused by my 'hubris'. (Yes, I had to check the dictionary for its meaning back then)
Maybe that's why I can't forget the message, or the day in 2002, or even where I was when I read that message.

What a strange thing to click 9 years down the road, after a long week in school and a retreat thrown in just a week before.
Like someone turned the lightbulb on.
Like someone giving me a tap on the shoulder, saying, 'Stop. Look. Don't walk there.'

I've built up so many barriers it's hard to tear down. These walls of pride, these barricades built on the foundations of open wounds.

I remember the only person I could turn to with my frayed nerves, rather shredded to bits after that sms (it was the A levels for goodness sake, and I had failed all my prelims, in large part due to the failed relationship with H), was my brother.
Although he was only 13 at that time, he listened well and his words gave me peace.
I know Jesus was and is in him, as He is in my friend now.

On pride and humility

insight

A trusted friend told me today,
"You're an old person
trapped in young body, hey."
I guess I am... I guess I am...
Well, as long as I keep
the warts at bay!