Today is a day of putting the house in order. There are still many things left to do but I'm glad I struggled through the mental inertia throughout the day and checked off a number of items. I found it really useful to write out a list, especially when things got jumbled up and the monster just kept growing bigger and bigger.
Still, I'm a little discouraged that I didn't manage to clear the hurdle of two major items: one that needs to be completed by Monday (despite a busy day tomorrow playing wedding planner and airport chauffeur), and another that requires me to say 'no' on behalf of a friend. I can barely say 'no' to stand up for myself! Make that three major items: I wanted to apply for that but time is running out fast and there may not be enough time before the deadline for next year's entry. Then again, I knew this long ago and didn't make a move because the monster said I would fail. It's still telling me that.
The monster's name is fear. I can hear that monster taunting me everytime it has a chance - when I'm ill (and I have been for more than 2 weeks), when I try to weigh the pros and cons (it tells me the sacrifice is not worth it, that I have to give up too much, that I will be lonely).
Lord, I claim your promise that you are greater than any power on heaven and on earth, greater than any principalities, greater than life or death, and that nothing can separate me from Your love.
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