Saturday, June 17, 2006


One of the most magnificent and memorable places: The Duomo (cathedral) at Pisa.


King of endless worth
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
because it's all about you
Dearest friends
Thanks for your well-wishes and blessings and prayers the past months, especially during the last two. To those who have interceded and intervened before I arrived at the stage of shaving off all my hair (and eyebrows; though nothing could prevent me from committing the drastic-womanly-stress-compelled act, as Jon calls it, of cutting a fringe)...yes, to those who were there, my most heartfelt . There isn't a word I know to adequately express that gratitude.

After the completion of exams, four friends and I went on an Italy escapade - I got back not 3 hours ago.


Yes Hil, Matt, Fang, Alex, Dre, Dan (and annonymous), your messages did not go unnoticed nor failed to brighten up my week! I just couldn't reply them - Jon and I, the internet junkies, were starving from broadband linkage and had to find an Italian internet cafe to squeeze out fifteen minutes of English reading material, which ended up time enough only for checking mail.

10 days of Firenze-Roma-Pisa...and we saw the Pope!! Albeit his side-profile and his arm (boy, were we excited with just that glimpse) during the papal audience last Sunday. The sense of family when the thousands gathered at St Peter's Square cheered at his first words (we cheered too, like fans for a supersuperstar) was heart-warming, uplifting; and that was merely a gathering on an Ordinary Sunday. Pictures to come soon, and I'm going to try and load a short clip we took of the Pope's speech! hee dear old Benedict.














From city sights














To hills and dales

















To Germany vs Poland (Jon Siu mei Neda)


To Gerrie our mum and wise one who woke the earliest to prepare a spread for breakfast every morning (mortadella ham, sweet tomatos, mozzarella cheese, german sausages, gorgonzola cheese, soya bread, baguette, all cut up and laid out professionally), Siu mei our great tour guide and amazing planner and much needed accoutant and banker of the group (who booked the apartments and knew Florence like the back of her hand), Neda our fashion consultant and make-up specialist, Jon our referee and porter and resident jester and gamemaster and peacemaker and fellow pig-out-er; thanks for the great time!

Thursday, June 01, 2006


The whole gang round the mulberry bush Posted by Picasa

My favourite pair Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The past month, there were


Beautiful mornings... Posted by Picasa

great days... Posted by Picasa

lonesome noons... Posted by Picasa

wonderful sunsets... Posted by Picasa

and creepy nights. Posted by Picasa

Posted by Picasa

grew... Posted by Picasa

my... Posted by Picasa

flowers. Posted by Picasa

Jen and I spent the time... Posted by Picasa

feeling chilly... Posted by Picasa

getting terrible eye-bags.... Posted by Picasa

chilling... Posted by Picasa

and going totally insane. Posted by Picasa

dada

Last year, during one of our Chaucer seminars, while we were discussing the history of the church in the 14th century, the topic fell on Dan Brown's book (I don't even have to mention which one). My dearest tutor, who specializes in Old and Medieval literature (especially on Grail writings) said of it, "It's utter crap". whoa first time the uptight lady say crap ah

I guess she couldn't keep off the topic, and wrote an article a year later:
Demystifying the Da Vinci Code

Anyway, just watched The Da Vinci Code for 5 pounds (that's S$15). Royalties aside I went with 2 beautiful Austrian ladies who study lit. too and hence know the book is crap but think it's well written (controversies and action thrown in). I kinda wanted X-men 3 more (badly!) but they were hell-bent, oops, I mean seriously keen on watching ol' Da (and it was their last month in UK) so I relented.

Was actually quite good, and I liked the last part where...ok I won't say. I haven't read the book, so the movie was a good insight to what the whole hullabaloo was about. And of course, saying (and thinking) 'the Catholic Church is always right' (or always wrong) is never going to solve any problem for yourself or others if you choose to live in ignorance, so finding out more (I won't say 'facts', because that word has come under fire in the post-modern world) is pretty important.

On other fronts: man, time is a luxury. Met Dave today and he told me he has forgotten how to relax! Afterwards I spotted him round uni. leisurely walking. around. round. I always laugh talking to him. The first time we spoke in psychoanalysis seminar he told me he was from a town down south (named it), and I nodded my head off pretending I knew where that was. Then he asked suspiciously if I knew where and all I could do was grin, "er, no."

Katharina (one of the Austrian beauties) told me today she's a part-time instructor back home during the school holidays. At a ski resort, teaching skiing and snowboarding, earning 13 euros an hour. My mouth fell open. I told her we live on very flat land on the equator and humidty hits nearly 100%. This ticket attendent at the cinema tried to flirt with her as best as he could, "Screen 7 is on the left" and giving her eyes. We could only giggle at his originality.

After exams last Saturday, my friends and I stood outside the hall in grave shock and were still standing there after the whole cohort had cleared off. "Was that our last paper? For the rest of our lives?" I'm not sure I came to terms with it until Monday! In the end, most people wrote about Beckett (Angel, I wrote about Waiting for Godot in the end! wish I could have watched it like you did though) including myself - his plays are highly intense and on my list of favourite works.

Really proud of my bro., who got selected as one of two (having competed with those from RJ and HCJC) to attend a training camp as NASA, Texas, US. xiala...
And of Az the coach and the VJ soccer girls, who fought hard for their first cup and National Champion title!
And then, VJ choir emerged overall top choir in Italy and VJ band won a Gold at Hawaii (this one's for FF). As much as I'd hate to admit it, I wish I was back!

The strain of the past months is still fresh in my mind, so I know how tough it is for some of my friends who have yet to end. I am praying for them, esp. FF, JF, GS, CS, SH, JP, JY, JL(LB).

Friday, May 26, 2006

duchamp

Marcel Duchamp's Bicycle Wheel (1913). Today's question: is a bicycle wheel still a bicycle-wheel when the front wheel is taken of from the rest of the frame?






Has it not already lost it's (original/essential) purpose and hence cannot be called a bicycle wheel?

What is man if he does not follow his purpose? What is his purpose?

From Samuel Beckett's Endgame:
Hamm: Why don't you kill me?
Clov: I don't know the combination of the larder.
(Pause.)
Hamm: Go and get two bicycle-wheels.
Clov: There are no more bicycle-wheels.
When there were still bicycles I wept to have one. I crawled at your feet. You told me to get out to hell. Now there are none.



(Frances: sorry I've not elaborated about the Dali/Plato connection, was doing the essay and studying for exams...but the essay's finally completed and handed in! Will tell you more after this week i.e. after my exams)

Thursday, May 25, 2006

I'm out of it, so so out of it.
I wanna fly away and never come back.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

retort

AT THE SAME TIME one might question if the relationship (in Windstruck) was 'so wonderful' because it was short-lived. Where are the chores and bringing-up-baby and warts and sorts? Can 'love' really survive that? From howchamightcallydt -living- I tend to see that passion/mutual attraction is not enough, oppression and domination due to social ideology and patriarcal bias come into play, and when fools rush in all you get are foul-ups. or foul play (murdering partners; jealous spouses; long bottled-up psychological trama from domestic violence).
Know why K-dramas move women so? 'Cos they find in them princes that don't exist. (same goes for anime) I must admit I have fallen under the illusion. I'm not saying that gentlemen don't exist; they do. I'm saying that women are at fault too for being complicit with the heartaches they experience. Don't fall in love with love.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

I watched Windstruck today. again.
It must have been some kind of meant to be when I couldn't catch it with dre, 'cos it made me end up buying the vcd.
I think...some people cry more at the movies as they get older. Because they've have been through more, seen more, felt more. And they understand. Understand what it means to lose, to hurt, to be at fault, to regret, to love.
I still feel it, that..hole. I don't think it will ever go away. But suddenly, I want to say, 'I want to believe again. Even though it's going to hurt when I lose, even though it's going to be rough in between. I want to believe again.'

Friday, May 05, 2006

awwwww


Posted by Picasa

Fab-biang sent me a whole series of pictures, explaining why we should be appreciative of things, even those that seem terrible...I thought this was the cutest. maybe because the kid is some of us at this period of time...all the best to all those who are!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

stop me before I do something rash.
like shave off my eyebrows

Monday, May 01, 2006

wow, it's so interesting looking back and realising what a ku-tu I once was, and how much I've learnt the past 3 years, about loss and betrayal and gossip and holding on and loving and giving it up (to God). Especially when you see others going through things where you mentally check off "that's my Stage 1 in the growth process of university life. welcome to Stage 2". I don't say that in a malicious way, because I know what it feels like and have done the same things; in fact, it is a little sad knowing what's coming next- not so much in what's going to happen, but what one learns. But knowing that it is necessary and part of pruning makes it worthwhile. Here's me wishing strength.
Just heard this song today, and it's....
a love song
a very touching love song

I Need You
By LeeAnn Rimes

I don't need a lot of things
I can get by with nothing
Of all the blessings life can bring
I've always needed something
But i've got all i want
When it comes to loving you
You're my only reason
You're my only truth

I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you

You're the hope that moves me
To courage again
You're the love that rescues me
When the cold winds, rage

And it's so amazing
'cause that's just how you are
And i can't turn back now
'cause you've brought me too far

Sunday, April 30, 2006

The before-mentioned problem-question was stuck in my head 'til past 2am so I didn't get any sleep til then. Set my alarm clock for 8.30am (which is, of course, any idiot's definition of impossiblity) and got up long enough to switch it off when it rang. after a few minutes (what felt like it), I got up and groggily looked at the clock. 15 minutes to 3pm! A terrible moment: my head was blocked with the problem that has to materialize into 5000 words by the 12th (or rather, panic was blocking my head), I felt drained and sick and blah, and I missed mass. I pulled up the duvet and hid.

Some (more) moments later, I decided to get up and face reality, and saw it was 10am.

*scratches head*

It must have been 9.15am I misrecognized (which Freud or Lacan, I can't remember, believes we all do when we look into the mirror, so I don't feel so bad)

problem question

frog-style, dog-paddle, breast-stroke, sink
my head is swimming
how do I link this:

STRANGER:
To distinguish the name from the thing, implies duality.
THEAETETUS:
Yes.
STRANGER:
And yet he who identifies the name with the thing will be compelled to say that it is the name of nothing, or if he says that it is the name of something, even then the name will only be the name of a name, and of nothing else.
THEAETETUS:
True.
Sophist (Part IV)by Plato (tr. B. Jowett)

to this:


Metamorphosis of Narcissus 1937 Salvador Dali Posted by Picasa

Question mark.

And besides this infinitesimal problem, a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Alex (Chomp Chomp is a goooood place), a salivating mouthful of praise for Cheryl's wonderful pics (tell me where and when you will be in Italy! I might be there around then too!), a miss-you-too-poke for Jo, and a I-left-a-message-on-your-blog to Frances *hee*

Sunday, April 09, 2006

but you

Your love is amazing, steady and unchanging
Your love is a mountain firm beneath my feet
Your love is a mystery, how you gently lift me
When I am surrounded
Your love carries me

Thursday, April 06, 2006

I've moved my desk so that now I can sit at it and look out from my window, small as it is (the desk, the window, me). From where I am the afternoon's clouded sunlight falls in just enough to create a dim embrace around my shadow and I look out at the slowly blossoming tree in my neighbour's backyard. It looks like a cherry tree, really, because its branches reveal more clusters of red buds every passing spring day. But then I've just looked it up on Google images and what people call cherry trees appear to be lighter pink with many more petals. Still, I may be right as time passes and people, i mean things grow and everything changes. 'but you...', reminiscing a Take That song.

Yes, but You.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Descriptions

Descriptions of modern life always cheer me up:

"Life is slow dying" (Nothing To Be Said, Philip Larkin)
A really good poem, I didn't realise its gravity until today.

Clov: He's crying.

Hamm: Then he's living. Did you ever have an instant of happiness?

Clov: Not to my knowledge.

(Endgame, Samuel Beckett)

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

An excerpt from The Reprise of Dodoism:

A: Why does that matter? Why does the fact that you got tripped and jeered at and beaten, just smacked in my opinion, lead you to think you had a bad day? If I did the same to you tomorrow, and the day after, and the rest of the week, would you moan about it as you just did? No, you would thank the heavens when it didn't drop on Chicken Little's head. You would begin to think: wait, the tripping and jeering and beating does not make me a sad person. I choose to feel upset about what happens around me, and hence label my day 'terrible', 'the worst', or what have you. If you'd just choose otherwise.

Q: It's starting to rain.

A (sadly) : I know.

tutors

They're both middle-aged doctrate holders. D.R. One was conveying his excitement for Heavy Metal Machine (Smashing Pumpkins, FF enlightened me) to an avid fan of Lou Reed halfway during seminar yesterday, while the other belted out "Wake up kids /We've got the dreamers disease" just now (New Radicals, whew I got this one).
whatever happened to Amelia Earhart?

how do you stop murder of 30 000 from your coffin cage?

does anybody know the way to Atlantis?

the danger of rhetoric is getting lost in it, and never waking.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

umoja

Yesterday saw our very last concert for the year...noooo!
filled with an unwillingness to part

from them. The Umoja Gospel Choir.

Every Thursday (barring the flu bug) for the past 2 years has been filled with 2 hours of note-coordination, joking banter, the mutual struggle for harmonic resonance, playful tunes from Sound of Music during break-time, stressful before-performance tension, uplifting soulfulness that put a rhythm back in the week, walks home after practice in dejected "we can't put it together", sessions when four become one, miraculously pulling it off and getting a rousing response (and participation!) from the audience, giving the congratulatory high-five and grin and thumbs-up after successful we are marching in the light of God and hallelujah for the joy.

the greedy sister looks at her brother's parisian food with covetousness
last week

me and my favourite brother :)
there's no place like home there's no place like home there's no place...

shucks. didn't work. I need red high-heels. gracie? :p

Thursday, March 23, 2006

My Obssessive Compulsive Order ( I refuse to acknowledge I have a disorder) has returned (or rather, I have returned to it), so I constantly check, re-check, re-re-check...but then what gives me the idea I will get it at 11pm? useless

Hemorrhage is 81 on my list of 'recently played' so at least I've come that far. =) Honestly, I've forgotten the reason for previous repetition...ah, now I remember. But it has become a distant memory, like afflictions big and small, and this one was but a nick.

Try some happy songs (funny, the moment you say happy it loses some of it's meaning) - one step at a time, one hope then another, who know where this road may go? yes, let this be a sign, let this road be mine, let it lead me to my past, and bring me home at last...

I actually can't wait to watch Tristan and Isolde. Found out it is an adaptation of Thomas Malory's (15th century) Le Morte Darthur, an Arthurian romance alongside the love triangle of King Arthur, Guinevere and Sir Lancelot. The movie also features Gavin Degraw's We Belong Together (he was in London last nov. but tickets were sold out fast, then went on sale on ebay for a hundred pounds, dang)
more (see trailer and mv; the series of pics when u first open the site totally obscures the storyline)

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Tuesday, March 14, 2006



good stuff!
The Great Pretender (by the Jon Frederick Band), Kingdom Hearts style!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

ecdysis

We are separate. Between stands a thin withered screen
Alice's mirror, though in that glass lie a thousand oceans
Now, you think the image above the mantel is me
But you're mistaken
As you stare into the eyes of what you want to see

I am not so distant as to have deserted you
Though you will berate me for my cruel heart
Mariner will I play and bless
From my cold lofty perch behind bars

Because I have left a film-cracked membrane behind
When you used to beat me til my heart bled
When you bound me so I could not shed

You will not penetrate our Chinese silk screen.


written 120306

Saturday, March 11, 2006

management

you're kidding, right?

today's reading:

Matthew 5:43-48
Jesus said to his disciples: "You have learnt how it was said: You must love your neighbour and hate your enemy. But I say this to you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; in this way you will be sons of your Father in heaven, for he causes the sun to rise on bad men as well as good, and his rain to fall on honest and dishonest men alike. For if you love those who love you, what right have you to claim any credit? Even the tax collectors do as much, do they not? And if you save your greetings for your brothers, are you doing anything exceptional? Even the pagans do as much, do they not? You must therefore be perfect just as your heavenly Father is perfect."

how do we walk the line that speaks up for injustice while loving the perpetrators?

Thursday, March 09, 2006

I'm going to play Hemorrhage until the word 'hypocrite' comes unstuck in my head.
There really is no point fuming against a mask of lies. If anything, I'm just giving it the fuel to breed contempt. But what does one do with the hideous rising cauldron? Shout "Woe to you, you hypocrites!", or proclaim ""But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you". It's so much easier to toot the tooting toot. But easy does not always lead to the truth.
As I watched the prosecution of John Procter I felt bile rising to my throat. Persecution, death, injustice, built on the lies of an imagined witch-hunt. The worst part was knowing the events took place, and 19 from Salem died because they refused to pronounce an allegiance to Satan, a proclamation that would have saved their own lives. So they held fast to the Truth, no matter who else knew it. And then, so did one famous man before them.
Will you die for the truth?Will I?
don't fall away and leave me to myself
don't fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


inspiring. the man, the music.

the video. full circle of life Posted by Picasa

scabs fall off sometime

same difference!

either I can't make up my mind, or my mind was already made up from the start

FF cooks yummy intoxicating pasta...thanks gal for doing the same tonight! Last night we re-lived 1998 by watching The X-Files and smouldering ScMuldering