the gang on sunny sentosa beach recently 

finally! I've sent the email that signals the termination of further correspondence to that email, *keeping my fingers crossed* should no hitch occur, having had the transition take place. voila, finis! Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; decay and be not a skeleton in my closet. It has been tiring, but, how shall I phrase this? 'educational'

Just watched the Yoda-Sidious/Obi-Wan-Anakin duel of the fates a second time! perhaps the movies are a parody of reality....or maybe we act out reel-life. the worst thing might be, we'll debate to our death and never know who's right.

Execute Order 66

this is a great review: the author is hilarious
scroll down to where he begins to comment on the show....and enjoy...

another opinion, with a breakdown...

really like this one, it's insightful with a tinge of sarcasm...

an eloquent take...

dialouge style

a collection of yet more!

and some memorable comments:

"WTH? Firing lightning turns you ugly?"

'there's only so much one can do with a line like, "Hold me like you did by the lake on Naboo." '

'So when does Revenge of the Sith really grab you? As the heroes of Ghostbusters might put it, it's when Lucas "crosses the streams." '

'I must go home and watch IV, V, and VI now so that I don't feel so down' (said by quite a no. of people in fact)

posted by president of the geek club (1 member: baby)

whoa... i find fans who even ask about the midicholorian count for Jar Jar Binks! (the answer is 5200, not bad; 7000 to be considered for a jedi position)

a question I had was why Mace Windu decided to take only 3 jedis with him when he confronted Palpatine, especially since he knew the latter was a sith; answer is a probable underestimation of Palpatine's powers, since most have always known him as an old and feeble Chancellor . Which is why Yoda warns Luke Skywalker not to underestimate the power of the sith in the classic trilogy

symbolic scene in Yoda-Sidious battle: fighting for the senate in the senate

Luke's midichlorian count is about half of his father's!

jedi and sith rankings

In the scene where Yoda is meditating (before Bail Organa enters and reports to him that Obi-Wan has arrived back from Mustafar with Padme), Yoda was communicating with Qui-Gon jinn! and they have a full conversation, according to a previous script! that's what Yoda was trying to tell Obi-Wan he'll learn in Tatooine. bet it's a deleted scene, wish it was in..

we din see Dagobah did we? where Yoda went into 'exile'; his landing in the script there is...

again again!

a match for the Sith.... 

I knew I couldn't go wrong when I chose my hero....

one of the two surviving jedis

undoubtedly the wisest in the Council

fastest on his feet

He knew they were coming, and beat them to it

Cause today, oh, you're gone melo-D

according to Jen, since neither of my corridor-mates drink much tea or coffee, I have consumed 3 x 450g packets of brown sugar to make my drinks. in the past 5 weeks.

stay awake, stay awake.

she's on the bus to Heathrow now, while I'm looking through my notes for tomorrow's paper. Could it be any harder (The Calling version, hopefully some semblence of their tune)

I have seen the shepard's delight of last to shepard's warning beyond the horizon.

Creation.

she's going

I'm going to miss her all too soon

first thots

My first seminar with J.B. on Shakespeare.

"Choose 3 words to describe what you feel on the guy and his work."

If I choose 3 words rite now on today they would be

distracted stubborn reluctant

goodness. I think I suffer

Bulgaria

Indonesia

I won't put more; this is not a guilt-trip. There are many wonderful things occuring around the world too. Perhaps perspective's the word.

Dr Samuel Johnson

"Great works are preformed, not by strength, but perseverance" (Rasselas)

Life. It's not going to be a one-shot win-or-lose-all moment which we wait for to come. It is, or is going to be, a journey of encounters and bumps and mountains and valleys. A journey of holding on to, or letting go of, people, experiences, values.

'A time to get, and a time to lose. A time to keep, and a time to cast away'

my prince

it all began with Cass telling me last year (in PS, I still remember, after our talk by Fr. Erasto) that 'Prince of Peace' by Michael W. Smith was reaallllieee good, so I bought the CD rite ther and then.

listening to it, I thot it was reaaaallliiieee good too.

then, when I headed up to Glasgow in December to visit Kenny, we were flipping the pages of his hymns-guitar chords collection...

"do you know this one?"

And there it was. Michael W. Smith's Prince of Peace. And we sang. It was a session I will not forget. An un-planned Praise, for Him in Worship.

Now, whenever I listen to it, I remember
hope
joy
peace
He brought in the midst of a turbulent time.

O this is the nagging I have to endure...

"Hey gal!

Just wanna tell you all the best for your papers, so all the best for your papers!!! hahaha. there's more lah. i miss u, so come back faaaast. and don't stress yourself out mugging! (not too much anyway). yea. and take care of your health! *HuGx* and go pray n take care of yourself ar"

so many directives cramped into one paragraph *grinz* only one person can do that.
dun stress eat well come back go mug but not too hard take care hugz and pray!

more! more! *thankie stelz!*

all about u

PRAISE HIM IN THE HEAVENS!!

It's all that I can do to keep myself from singing out in the school library!(which is filled!)

I have entered Mordor!

And He will make us triumphant!

No, it's not about results, it's about that deep deep feeling of peace as I was doing my exams, for the first time managing to finish all 3 essays ( I am slow) and feeling such great joy as I was writing about the Corpus Christi plays! I wanted to include that it's the Feast of Corpus Christi TOMORROW (UK calender, diff. from sg, which is on sunday) and that my examiner should attend mass hahahahaha but I think it would have been too over the top for him/her. unless he/she feels the same way. And wanted to write how much his sacrifice (of course I have to add in how the depiction of the sacrifice added to affective piety! nearly got carried away) means to each person, how it is 'only by grace that we enter', how his birth was already a sign for his sacrifice (the Levitical lamb, in the manger, which is a food trough for animals, and how he is our food...see, this was depicted in the drama of the Nativity we have to study in Medieval Lit., thus making it applicable for me to talk about), and so I put in what time and He allowed.

E G#m
Praise You in the morning. Praise You in the evening.
C#m A
Praise You when I’m young and when I’m old.
E G#m
Praise You when I’m laughing. Praise You when I’m grieving.
C#m A
Praise You every season of my soul.

And the last question I had to do was a blesphamous lyric on Franciscan Friars! argh! hee ok it was funny, and I understand why the people then (13/14 century) did not take kindly to Friars, black, grey or white: they accumulated wealth and property despite their vows of porverty, thus degrading St. Francis' rule. the speaker was going on about how he wished the friars would disappear or be taken away by the Archbiship or be burnt, all in a quaint song and rhyme.

F#m B
If they could see how much You’re worth.
F#m B
Your power Your might Your endless love.
F#m B A
Then surely they would never cease to praise….

It's no longer about the result

check it out now! the funk soul broh-duh...

Alrite! This is the most accurate reading yet! Just look...and go check your own too! It's bound to work!

I am an Aquarius.
(Also known as "Water Bearer")
My Horroscope starts like this:
" A hopeless and helpless dreamer, forever out of touch with reality, an Aquarius is ever lost in his own fantasy world. He never returns money he borrows, for immediately upon borrowing it, he spends it and forgets about the debt. An Aquarius constantly breaks his promises, and hates nothing more than working." (Read more Find yours)

"thank you for the music"

am listening to Hillsong's 'For all you've done' (live worship), I'd definately recommed it.

you opened the way for the world to live again

then there's 'One Way', which, if you remember, we were jumping crazily, happily, to while Jerry and Cass were leading in the attic =)

Here we go!
You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life

The drums for 'Evermore' are amazing. They go between the crotchet beats...tough!

'My home' is heaven
Wow. depends on how you interpret the above.

quzzie....

You are Phili Omena. You're not really sure what
you want in life, but you just let life bring
you wherever it may lead to. You like someone,
but you have more important things to take care
of than to fall in love now. There is something
you have to do.

See what it is at
http://www.geocities.com/chryskyva/Character_Profiles/Season_I/Phili_Omena.html


Which Skyva's Story: The 8 Rings Of Legend character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

u

*beems* just got your email stel, THANKS! it really really means a lot, esp. rite now......

Who makes
The sun light up my shadows
When the darkness tries to follow me
Who makes
The air that bring me life
So I can breathe the love that's given to me

Thank you for being an instrument for Him, for 'nagging' that I know you care (",)

You make everything good
Everything wonderful
You grace my days
And heaven fills my view
Let's forever sing
You make everything pure
Everything beautiful
You make me see the only thing that's true
It's you

I would put your words here, but only wif your permisssion.
They sound as if you're speaking rite at me
(and it couldn't be anyone else!)

You hung the moon
You placed the stars that shine your love for me
I hope all that I do
Will show reflections of you

incomplete

two songs running in my head, and i can't get the titles, much less the rest of the lyrics i've forgetten! anyone know?

1st song:
"This love is mine, this glory earth-bound heaven sent, this grace divine...."

2nd song:
"...do you know? Are you satisfied?....
He can change your life, change your darkness into brightness...."
(-definately from a retreat)

oh dear

I miss .....them. this crazy bunch of gooloos. I missed this, ju's house warming. and I missed sentosa today! apparently all got chow-ta, but i dun mind, if it means time wif them 

The view from ground zero on exactly the same date 3 months later. And this is at 8.10 pm.
The tall building in the centre is the Attenborough Arts and Social Science building (yes we only have 1 building) but nevertheless its my building where on the 14th floor noticeboard people's lives change for better or worse....

The view from my window on 23rd Feb this year. 

sacrifice

In the York 'The Crucifixion' pageant, the soldiers complaim about the weight of the cross; in the space of 65 lines there occurs a multitude of groans and curses concerning how much Jesus 'weyes a wikked weght' (213). The first soldier exclaims how his 'schuldir is in soundre', while the second compliants it exerts him to 'wondir soore', the third says his back will break and 'wantis wynde'.

so much to complain about, when Jesus has only two short speeches in the play. It is a juxtapostion to show his obedience and reliance on the Father, and with a firm decision 'here to dede I obblisshe Me' allows the soldier to do their work; nay, more, for he lays himself on the cross willingly.

*I apologise, apparently my attention now lies on the net, so I have decided to fuse it with what I must be doing: revising.

'lil Mr Fix It

I love my bro. If you ask me why though, I'm not sure I can pinpoint the reasons. It may be because I'm proud of him that he knows what he wants and works hard for it, so hard that he tops the class, level, school, nation. not kidding. I'm in awe, and sweating (jk). It may be because I remember I could go to him at my most stressed, and he'd get me laughing it off. It may be because he understands, and doesn't have to say it. It may be because I remember (when he was shorter) I'd put my arm around his neck and pretend-throttle him (esp. when dad took pictures). It may be because our banter is just so care-free and un-self-conscious. I miss him a lot. I don't know if he knows it, but I miss him.

one ring to rule them all

I was just telling my fren how
By the LOTR calender
25th May: 1st paper: Medieval Lit = pic. of Mordor
31st May: 2nd paper: Satire to Sensibility = pic. of Mt. Doom (inside, with Sam running towards the ledge)
Today: Gandalf on Shadowfax, galloping in haste towards Minas Tirith
Tomorrow: Up-close-and-personal with a ringwraith
(forgot his name: the leader who wounded Frodo; of course you wouldn't recognise his face)

Apt ain't it? Depiction of the last lap.

And on 2nd June: Legolas in shining armor
(I was tempted to put 'my Legolas...' but I've decided I'll share)
*all-gracious grin, with condescending look*

oh, went to check, its the Witch King of Angmar. oooohhhhh, he prophesied never to die at the hands of man. no wonder JRR had Eowyn do it.......verily verily

ok, i'm not superstitious, just a fan

if anyone has the extended version of no. 3 (and i don't mean that which opened on 19th May) go watch the scenes with Faramir and Eowyn.....I just loved it. The book was even better though; its even sweeter than Aragon and Arwen okay....

I thot the Nazgul were the creatures on which the ringwraiths rode...apparently websites says Nazgul = witch kings. hmm.

when u feel like...

one of the 4 (I counted, this is not NTUC brand) fishes you see when you open a can of sardines in thick tomato sauce

the view outside your window on the 5th floor of your hostel looks attractive because the only sunlight you've seen in weeks is out the window (ok...maybe I exaggerate)

you've run out of rice (This one I'm certain)

your stomach's going like the lousy 50p clothes dryer at the foot of your block: noisy rumbling

your head's as dense as a sharpening block (for knives) dad uses at home (I don't have one so all my knives are now like butter-spreaders)

things that make you burst out in insane laughter range from real jokes to corny jokes to 'how now brown cow' in BBC english

laughing and laughing and laughing

u've not manage to answer any calls in the past week because u sleep in the day (and sometimes sleep the whole day)-sorry Matt, Poon

...when u feel like the above, I'm very sure your exams are coming.

seemingly disparate

Britian and its beginnings at Troy:
Aeneas, great-grandfather of Brutus (according to the Gawain poet)
'tricherie'
'werre and wrake and wonder'
'both blysse and blunder'

The colour green:
'livree de mai' : dress during may jaunt
in the Les Tres Riches Heure, a Book of Hours owned by Jean, Duc de Berry
'why the devil wears green' by D.W. Robertson: because he wants to blend in with the trees. ok, i'm not kidding, it's what the article says. because he lies in wait like a hunter for an innocent and unsuspecting deer, he would not wear flourescent orange, thus he blends in with the foliage to lay a trap. why the Green Knight holds connotations of evil.

The 'holyn bobbe' and him being 'scholes' are signs of peace
The axe an instrument of war: 'hoge and mete' (huge and monstrous)
'spetos sparthe' (cruel battle-axe)
but it is also 'bigraven with grene in gracios werkes', with 'tryed tasseles', described right down to the green 'botouns' 'ful ryche'!

He is an 'arghlich mayster', a monstrous lord; 'half etayn' and half 'mon'

Righto. The 'endeles knot' of the pentangle next.
Symbolise fraunchyse, felawschyp, clannes, cortaysye, pite. Translated: generosity/free, comradeship, purity, courtesy, mercy.
Gawain is the 'gentylest knight of lote' and 'voyded of uche vylany', as 'golde pured'

The above virtues are the fyft fyve
1. five fingers
2. five senses
3. five wounds of Christ
4. five joys of Mary
5. five virtues

thus 5 x 5 is the perfect no. (and i'm thinking why not 7x7)

well. that's cos: it appears in Dante's Convivio, a discussion of human excellence. In it the human body has four lower kinds of vital activity belonging to both man and animal, and the last seperates the two: reason. So agrees St. Thomas Aquinas and the Fr. T. This symbolises natural perfection, not supernatural; the latter is only attained by divine grace.

thinking

I can't imagine how difficult it is for a parent to let their child go
Emotionally
It means allowing them to grow their own way, understanding they won't listen to everything you try to teach them, painfully watching while they make mistakes, holding yourself back from cutting open the chrysilis.

here's to mum and dad

Was reading about Hector in Homer's Iliad (just a summary) and chanced upon this picture found in Paris...I think its beautiful.
Of Hector (left) admonishing Paris (right), with Helen in the background. Behind her is the statue of Aphrodite, symbolising the atmosphere of love and tranquility of the lovers...but Hector brings darkness and the spear with him, warning of incoming battle...

Mystery pieces

Homo:man

Paciens: The calm abiding of the issue of time, processes, etc.; quiet and self-possessed waiting for something; ‘the quality of expecting long without rage or discontent’ (J.). c1375 Sc. Leg. Saints iii. (Andreas) 405 et wil I with paciens a quhil here

So when we say Christ 'appears without a speaking part' in the York (The Pinners') Crucifixio Cristi to effectively prolong the dramtic effect of Homo Paciens, we point to the rich meaning of the miracle of Christ made man and suffering, not just patiently, but self-possessed and with the full confidence in our Father's plan.

Both meanings found seperately on the OED, apparently I can't find any which gives the exact relevance or source on the net. But boy is Latin rich...now I know Fr T's meaning.

This is why we stage Passion Plays every year on Good Friday! only it used to be staged around the whole city, two months after Easter (Corpus Christi). An example is the York Cycle of Mystery Plays. And, they didn't only depict the Passion of Christ: they began with Creation and ended with the End of Days! Amazing....the simulation on the site as the wagons go around the city and present each part of Salvation History; we only see a small part of that today. The York Cycle took 2 days to complete- no wonder. "There was a time"....when church and state were inseperable. But they had their problems too. I'll leave tat for catechist F. to expound to his students (altho I heard he's not giving cat. class any more?)

took so long to read about the York plays...hai. mean, its interesting, but I still have Ancrene Wisse and Sir Gawain to look after. least, I'm doing something close to my heart.

can't stop singing "over all the earth you reign on high every mountain stream every sun-set sky". Stell you really should hear this one; I like!

i wanna go home...

ah, who doesn't?

5am, for the lack of a title

in ambiguity lies great power (no, this is not from Spiderman), and great pot-holes in which one may sink into the self-created mire. interesting effects of ambiguity, saying one thing and meaning another while the other percieves yet something else.

think, responsibility is important because it defines the functional and successful individual who conceives and undertakes his purpose. not other people's responsibilities, pu-leaz. can't believe the myriad of examples simply squashed in a time-frame.

going to play a game

reign

Over all the earth You reign on high
Every mountain stream, every sunset sky
But my one request, Lord my only aim
Is that You reign in me again

Lord reign in me, reign in Your power
Over all my dreams, in my darkest hour
You are the Lord of all I am
So won't You reign in me again

Over every thought, over every word
May my life reflect the beauty of my Lord
Cause You mean more to me than any earthly thing
So won't You reign in me again
(chords)

the one who comforts me, who holds my heart when it sinks to rock-bottom, who gives me a breath of fresh air everywhere, the only one who loves me as I am, who, when he says he'll handle it, never lets me down, places everything, even a death, in its right place, where nothing is worthless, who holds my hand when it shakes, who tells me to walk without fear even when i feel useless, who will take the blame.

all you've done speaks enough about how grateful I am. about how blessed I feel.

now I walk without fear.

need u now, more than ever....

my most sincere thanks, because of all you've done.

orange and choco

fancy. just got back from brummie. with ben's cookies! yummy

plus, there's a 2000 deadline in 2 days, and I'm not done. now u know why i need the cookies. =)

must say,

without prayer nothing is possible.

not sanity. would have been overtaken by avarice, envy, sloth, grief, despair, inertia.

It's true. God sends us crosses to carry so we have a spine.

stolen last year in August 2004. 

joni mitchell

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons ev’rywhere
I’ve looked at clouds that way

drifting in and out of dreams. so many faces, so many actions, so many familiar.
what does it say about what I hope for?
maybe I'm just sleeping too much.

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on ev’ryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

what is it about being used? I bet everyone has felt that way some time or other. Tat's why no one can claim originality when they moan about such; elicit sympathy, perhaps. It's cos we've all got our own space, our own bubble of comfort, and we feel indignant when it's violated. Just think, with so many people located in a minute geographical area, SOME bumping into each other's bound to take place.

I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It’s cloud illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev’ry fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way

tea time!! 

And THIS is Glasgow Uni. *envy envy* Kenny our tour guide in the front, who studies medicine there  

Edinburgh city with SheeeeeHweeeeee Thanks Mr Cameraman!:Jon's taking the pic 

Glasgow Uni's Chapel...whoa 

flash

I remember I was in a maze of mirrors in the Edinburgh dungeon, with ShiHui and Jon. That was a new experience, scary if you're all alone in there, in dim lights, not knowing where the exit is., or how many other people are in the maze with you. It's just like writing on a blog isn't it? "Is that me, or is that my reflection, which is me, but not really, or is that someone else, or someone else's reflection, or I am mistaken and is that someone else me...."

You reach out your hand and find...space

You're all I want, You're all I need, You're everything, everything....


We bought luxury food, wine and cheese. We got binge-ing food: chips and choco and cake. We got the junk: nuggets, sausages and fries. We do have real food, chicken, prawns, eggs, rice, vege., oranges, bananas,pasta and more cheese.

How can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you


Did you know that Seth Cohan of O.C. ie Adam Brody has a special appearance in Smallville Season 1 Episode 19 as Justin, the psycho who's after Chloe with telephatic powers? trivia that gets me so excited. bimbo!

Would you tell me how can it be any better than this?

sighting! 

here nessie nessie nessie... 

"speed bonnie boat like a ship unto sea..." 

Eva-01: Shinjin

scramble for apple-pie. don't forget the veinetta. pooh, enough maggi mee...i want real food! ie food found in a place one calls home.

oh well. 1 kg, 2 kg, 3 kg, 4. and mind you I'm not at the market buying meat.

Couldn't have had a better companion the past weeks: baby! my inspirational companion, fellow soldier, to battle! (the past few hours I've side-tracked to my anime tho. oops!)

Just (re) watched Evangelion: a mouthful there, be careful not to get it wrong or manga fans 'll go after ya.. apparantly its EE-VAN-JAIR-LEE-UN.
its a mouthful, the plot too. doesn't help when i start with 'Death and Rebirth', and its supposed to give the audience a feel of the series! apparently (says one website) Japanese audiences best understand the filmatography of it and get the multi-layering through a congestion of visual ideas.

But I still have questions. Where do the Angels come from? How does Adam look like? What truly is the function of the Angels? and SEELE?

If you think I'm going on about some theological question, its a full 180. the other end of the spectrum.

so 'on' after getting these insights on Anime (Matt its all your fault. okie, Dre you came up with the project title!) tat i want to get the whole series...a good GBP 80! how?! love it for the parallelism to Matrix: 'ideology is the new reality', 'man is his greatest enemy' concepts.

Poon! you're the only one who can answer all these questions! better than online anime-fan websites, and better than Poh Kim (the latter's from matt) =)

An excerpt from "Breaking Under Water": Spirituality and the 12 Steps

Why do many languages use the word spirit to describe liquor? What if, next time I have Mass with you, when I hold up the chalice I say : "Liquor of Christ"? Would'nt that shock you all? Isn't it strange that the very thing that has caused so much pain in some of your lives, alcohol, would be the very thing that we use for the sacrament? Is it mere irony or co-incidence - or providence? The blood of Christ, the wine of Christ, the liquor of Christ.

The place of the wound is the place of the healing. The place of the break is the place of the greatest strength. That's why Jesus himself, even in His resurrected body, reappears with the wounds still in His hands, in His side, in His feet. They do not disappear as you might expect.

What's the problem for Thomas? He can't deal with the wounds. Jesus tells him: Put your finger in. Deal with pain. Deal with the fact that I'm still broken.

No, You're resurrected, You're not supposed to have a hole in Your side, says Thomas.

"Thomas, put your finger in My hands. Put it in My side. Now believe" (John 20:27). I don't think you can begin to believe until you put your finger in your own wounds, the wounds of one another and the wounds of Christ.

Metamorphosis of narcissus - Salvador Dali 

Five Deaths Eleven Times in Orange 

yum

speaking about orange,
Orange White Chocolate Ben's Cookies rock!
(whoever Ben is)

beyond the pleasure principle

I prefer answering questions on 'how scary are you?' hosted by blogthings rather than answer my assessed question on freud and repetition. how bimbotic. And just like I expected, I'm not scary enuff. HOW?? I will not be able to bark orders to move mountains, roar to express my frustration, explode chaotic creativity.

I'll merely implode like Mr Stevens. Just watched 'The Remains of the Day' by Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson, they are good! charismatic dormant volcanoes, subtle body language. And so Anthony Hopkins is Mr Stevens, the emotionally and sexually repressed butler to Lord Darlington and equal to Emma the housekeeper. A film about 20th century Britain just pre-WWII, aristocrats with huge villas and even more sprawling lawns, their political ambitions (and failures) coupled with the strict hierarchy within their households which maintains the pyramidal structure of authority and order, yet suppresses (or represses) any 'human-ness' of those at the bottom.

Watching the documentary on it is much more satisfying than watching the ending, not at all because it was an emotional let-down; it was the exact opposite! intensely static would be what I'd call the unexpected ending, which was probably what gave the film its 8 Academy Award nominations. "still waters run deep" given a whole new meaning.

now i've just done another 'quiz' that begs the answer "what gender is your brain"

Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

WhatGender Is Your Brain?


if there ever was a more sexist 'answer' informed by the bias of patriarchal society!

in orange

I have to remember: where we're meant to be. although when u're stuck waist-high in ( ohh I'd better not say) its tough to think it. but what would faith mean if it does not wager a test. without value, that's what it would be.there are those who ask: how do you know its a test? it could just be pure malicious random fate that dictates circumstances.

if it was just that, there would be no peace in which you know beyond a measure of doubt you're standing rite where a higher power wants you. joy, great joy even in the midst of waist-high-i'd-better-not-say. the light at the end of the tunnel. no, in the tunnel.

ancrene wisse

gosh. I've got to finish Rasselas. on one hand I can identify with the imagination-is-a-flight-of-fatal-fantasy theory and believe that isolation ain't too good for the 'ol soul 'if ya know wat i mean'; on the other hand it means no more day-dreams, no more visionary ideals, not even aspirations? where's the hope then? therefore Rasselas (thanks to JJ who has now given me the ending) has no satisfactory conclusion: (and I'm going to do just what JJ did) the whole jing-gang end up unhappy back in happy valley. sounds cheesy, but note: its written by esteemed Samuel.

It seems the Real has been hitting me the past week. as opposed to reality, the Symbolic. trauma ensues (watch Hide and Seek, you'll see what I mean) and then neurosis (which includes my favourite: repetition), I wonder if talking to yourself is that, or psychosis.

talking cure, chocolate cure, Dad, Mum, Matt, Mun, Jen, Jon, Jesus. (in no order of preference)

I'm thirsty.

Thank you,those who made it great!

Its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap.

Chee Seng, ShiHui, Jon, Jen, James, Gerrie, Ken, Jing Yi, Matt, Daryl, Mum and Dad, Amal, Debra, Shell, Stella, Jon, Dre, Zi Hui, Elene, Beh, Jay, Karen, Ting, Ken, Adrian

In my heart, the depth of meaning
With whom
Together we'll be the greatest team there'll ever be

Well if that's love it comes at much to high a cost.

a past

As someone told me lately everyone deserves a chance to fly

Let go

To Dearest Dre

I can't seem to email you! So I'm going to do the same and post a letter through here, in the hope you do read this! Got your email about your aussie plans!cool!! I want in! One thing I've got to do though is ask my parents, and the second thing is ask if they will finance me. man, dependency here.....no cash! not to mention, no angpaos over here too *grumble grumble* =)

altho if it is in May you guys have to go on without me, cos its my exam period (arghh) and I'll only prob be back in June. might be able to do early July! but will have to get parental consent EVEN though i'll be past the age of consent....er oh that is for marriage. nah, TAT won't be too soon. I think the best way is that you find the best timing for Ginny and yourself, looking at the price, cos i might need to make alternative arragements even though I'm going with you guys (about the flight), so if you need to get tickets and stuff early go ahead. Is it a free and easy thing or a package you want?

oh dear, reading your email again: i don't get ANY of your sms-es cos i do not have a singapore line! only my UK one, which I text you from, so you have my no. no? lemme see, exactly location would be.....leicester. still. hee and YES you recognised MR Donne! I always knew your a friend after my own heart! *melodrama-mama a bit* haha had to study the intricacies of his poems for my Jan paper, thus the panic-striken blog entry (ok maybe no panic was conveyed but I certainly was in the state)

hope to hear from you soon!

for good

because I knew you
I have been changed for good

God places us where we are meant to be. It's these special times that we just know how much we're in the right position, right where we are. It's this assurance that nothing shakes off, in your bones, down to your little toes, how much you are loved by the Greatest Lover, unashamed, joyful. for He created all things big and small, all sorts of upside-down-inside-out-right-way-up experiences, that places us where we are at our highest potential of growth, faith, hope, love.

statute

are the reasons for having values the same why man creates law? to prohibit or enforce so as to protect an individual's perimeter. that's why we have values: essentially so we don't step on another's foot.

because what has got me questioning is the fact that some values i come into contact with are hugely warped, at least, in my own opinion; i'm sure two children who both draw 'a house', one having only seen igloos before and the other only castles, aren't wrong. what kind of values are we then to have? if each defines his/her own life, and values, then our concepts of right and wrong, good and evil, are merely arbitrary. there is no true, real, correct value: it all lies in an individual.

this is where faith and religion come in.

"the law is written in men's hearts": our conscience, not society, tells us what is good and evil, if we listen closely
"Love God with all your heart, and love your neighbour as yourself": Kingdom Values
If one has faith and believe, he trusts that God's way is the way, one that brings greatest fulfilment and meaning in life. If one doesn't have faith nor believe, then he begins living by his own values, not Kingdom ones; which, in my opinion, is dangerous.

It all boils down to Free Will. so choose.

bits and pieces

Air and Angels:
soul, whose child love is/ takes limbs of flesh
More subtle than the parent is/ Love must not be
assume thy body I allow/And fix itself in thy lips, eye, and brow
is much too much
For nor in nothing nor in things/Extreme...can love inhere

The Canonization:
For God's sake hold your tongue, and let me love
What merchant's ships have my sighs drowned?
Who says my tears have overflowed his ground?
Soldiers find wars, and lawer find out still/ Litigious men
We'll build in sonnets pretty rooms;/ As well a well-wrought urn becomes/ The greatest ashes as half-acre tombs
the whole world's soul contract, and drove/ Into the galsses of your eyes

The Flea:
How little that which thou deny'st me is
And in this flea our two bloods mingled be
cannot be said/ A sin, nor shame, nor loss of maidenhead
more than married are
Our marriage bed and marriage temple is
self-murder
learn how false fears be/ Just so much honour...will waste as this flea's death took life from thee

Only just a thought?

Originality. Revolutionary. Against the grain. Away from the pack. Stand out of the crowd. Out of the crowd. Deviant nature. Rebel. Exile. Isolated. Wanderer.

Two extremes of a cord that is bound in tangles you can't figure which end is which.

"why pink?!"

haha guess u noe it's not me. but it's like I said, I was just experimenting! Thanks for the surprise at 2!

Couldn't put down The Eyes of the Dragon. In fact, I've finished it, and I started yesterday. (Bad business for my studies, it means) Think I'm falling in love with fantasy books...the only problem is, they come in series! so I have to keep on buying, and buying...bad idea. Of course, it makes good economical sense for writers.smart.

Listening to 'Everything' by Lifehouse. First person I think of :one (out of three) who made the YLM clip on its 5th birthday. (",) who pia-ed so hard to get the present for the confirmants 2003 done in time for us all. *smiles* one who's on MC now.

Michaelangelo's Pieta

New Year's thot:

Faces of the past appear, while the future rides on...

The storyteller leaves that up to you to decide if it is for better or worse

Projector
Pictures *click*
The old fashion kind *click*
Ones up on your wall *click*
Just like these

Entangled starch strips, with yellow-white. no, white-yellow.dinner. *click*

Enzo? makes me think of my favourite cartoon that my bro and I used to share. 5.30pm on SBC, weekdays. we'd hate weekends. *click*

Pink-blue and all the inbetween in a sunset. sunrise will do too.one tat comes too fast. well it only happens once *click*

Eyes of a Dragon! A previous memory, hidden in a box, thrown down the well. Well, all wells have bottoms. *click*

White

To my wonderful ones

There are so many things to write about! That I almost didn't want to start wrinting this post..u noe the feeling? Like a half-bitten roasted marshmellow partially dipped in hot melted chocolate! Just gotta finish it when u've started!

I think this first note has gotta go out to those who gave me a shout out (some literally, while sitting on poor Matt haha) and others who gave me the wonderful present of their time on christmas day. Man, just hearing their voices makes me miss CTK's midnight mass, the dressing up (should one choose to, I remember we girls USED to), the stay-over either at poon's or chris', the next day's breakfast and trip back home to CRASH again. And then I log on to their blogs (and the wonderfully done up YLM site) and see pictures! hundreds of 'em! and the longing goes on...

BUT! I've got nothing to complain about! On top of great conversations during this christmas/new year period (no matter how they ended hee... indicating of course the manner in which calling card runs out of cash) with lovely people, I've received from my family and close frens presents and cards that remind me how much they continue to keep me in their thoughts and prayers. Boy how can I not be touched! Have not done anything to deserve so much love, and so a grateful thanks *and hug* goes out to them. Can see who they're taking a cue from, Praise God!

To the raunchy sistas! haha Angel, Cheryl, Stel, Van, Mabel, Ju (wait a minute, hav i put too many people in the club? anyhows, to the gals appearing in almost all the pics hee i wonder y...): an amazing truckload of pictures that can't all fit into my laptop. darn. 'cos to see your big *toothy* grins in all of them, with or without make-up, dressed or not, oh, i mean not dressed-up...makes me grin silly. can see Angel's been doing the rounds of taking photos with everyone at the D&D! apparently, Van, your singing hamster seems to be the talk of the town.=) maybe cos it has a stunning resemblance... ZLM! 8th of Jan at Julia's house.....I want.....still, I'm glad I manage to go over, albeit just once: it was the nite before I flew here, and we stayed til LATE! din play mahjong like we wanted, but there's still time in the future! Cheryl thanks for the present! Now all i need is a lighter...hmmm. *and everyone wonders wat she got me* Stel I hope u were in time for dinner on new year's eve, and your grandma isn't too angry wif me!

wonderful pictures of sleeping pigs too....oh were they not pigs? muahahaha
It's just sour grapes: I'm wishing I could be one of those lazy pigs.....=)
Caught the NSF and NSmen in action in the after christmas party- personally I like tat pic, makes me smile and shake my head (Ok, my real reaction: "waaaaat???!" and a bigger "WAAAAT????!" seeing Stefan all ready for action.) Kevin's still as cute as he used to be. *laughs* no no no, of course, so are chris, ranneth, poon, meh meh, ed, matt. Is ant the only one not there yet?

Then came New Year's Eve/Day at SAFRA Yishun (Boy I talk just like I was there)
Man, I missed the second Encorr performance. Pooooonnnnnn *whines* see la. Bet u and Matt gave Maroon 5, The Calling, and Mariah Carey a run for their money. Oo0ps i meant Enrique, matt. Go Cheryl! Go Ant! Go Ju! Go Stefan! cheering from the sidelines here =)

And so this 'first one in a long time since I left for Italy, got back, got holed up studying, spent Christmas and New Year here, and its a week to exams!' is dedicated to those I love.

To hear you say "This one's mine"
My heart is spoken for

low down

its the unofficial last day of term for me! cos i'll be heading to glasgow to meet Jon Fok's best friend Kenneth with Misch by my side, and then heading to Rome to meet my parents and Daryl! yipee!!!

For my friends who are reading, may you have a blessed christmas this year! (especially if you have the chance to attend midnight mass! go for it! I know I would if I were back hom...sigh. but God gives us all good things running over, so I'm looking up!) Even if you dun celebrate christmas, like dear kim, go catch the lights in Orchard Road. We've got lights on here too in the city, though I suspect they're a re-use of Deepavali lights!!

It's been a long-drawn out few weeks, and I guess what's worse than wearing out physically are the issues that go straight to your heart. like a Long Day's Journey Into Night. But when we pass the stage of infancy, struggle through 33 years of growing pains, reach the cross, and believe in the 3 days after that, we'll know it was all worthwhile.

Paradise Lost.

Thank God for His protection. Which comes in ways we never see coming! (the same goes for lessons He wants to teach us, it seems to me) Just as much as physical protection is needed in a world like today's, protection of the heart is just as necessary. How neccessary to build a strong fortress around it to keep it safe, or people can use you for their own purposes. For purposes I've not conceived of, nor expected could occur in such close proximity. It is really the close shaves that we praise God ever more!

I've long thought about the difference between naivety and innocence. And one such definition is this: that innocence is the decision to remain pure, devoid of evil, while naivety lacks such a choice, one is merely immersed in ignorance. Perhaps everyone starts off naive, and then has a choice whether to progress on to innocence. Or lose it.

I met this lady at the entrance of my block two days ago, who reminded me of why we should continue loving, even though things are dark. I wonder where such people get the strength to remain open, so seemingly vulnerable to hurt; I begin to wonder if that was an angel. She reminded me by her openess in speaking to me, beautifully thanking me when I opened the door for her, introducing herself, asking about me, and her "God bless". Her presence, I feel, must indeed be a blessing to people around her.

To the woolly sheep, of course I'll be a good girl! *wink* hope work IS making you lose weight (haha)

Reading about Satan in Milton's Paradise Lost. I didn't know he was anti-Catholic! I think I just changed my mind about studying him for exams. George Herbert and John Donne seem a better pick now. one MIGHT call me biased. (",)

it 3.43 am. sleeping at weird times. Saw the Star Wars Episode 3: The Revenge of the Sith trailer today while catching Bridget Jones Diary 2 at the cinema today with ShiHui *grinz* May 2005!


C major - the simplest key. You are content with
where you are now, you have what you need. Some
people are happy in C major, but it is up to
you to decide to push yourself further if you
want more from your life.

what key signature are you?
brought to you by

Just had a wonderful seminar! yes, a feel-good lesson in university! How is that possible? well, it was my Renaissance Poetry seminar with Dr Rosselyn today, and it was my turn to give a presentation, which I did on George Herbert's poem Redemption. Which sparked off a debate on the existence of religion, its purpose, its actuality. One by one, as the seminar wore on, my seminar mates admitted they were Christian, or had attended a Catholic school, though some remain 'stonch' Atheists; at least we had a good talk about God and saving grace, and I hope it was a spring board for some into thinking deeper about life and our God.

I guess some part in everyone bothers what other people think about 'me'. It is a matter of extent. How I look in this outfit, what they thought when I said that, what they see of me when I hang out with this crowd. Aren't they useless thoughts? At the end of the day, we can't control what they think, true or untrue, and neither can it make a difference to the way we are. Of course, one should graciously accept constructive criticism i.e. based on what is right and moral, and change for the better. But otherwise, sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me. My grandfather used to repeat this when I was young, and all the way while I was growing up. I never believed him, never thought it was true, because I felt words could hurt much more than any physical thing! especially when the words issue from a loved one. And that doesn't change. But otherwise (and for the famous phrase to come in effect) personal power of the mind and heart must be present. Anger and hurt is not a natural conseqence to words that come from 'others' (society at large) as opposed to common belief, thus we can actually exercise such power to withstand non-sense verbal attacks.

Bonfire Nite

After a nite of playing fireworks! this was 2 weeks ago, on a Wednesday nite, just before official Bonfire nite. Singaporeans peppered with frens from around the world.

ow

I'm writing so much on my blog because my head feels like the concrete pavement on 6th Avenue: everyone walking on it. Definately not one of those golden-crusted Hollywood handprint tablets of famous stars. People bother to stop for those. Anyway, today has less to do with people (even tho I did have a 369 illegal gathering in which I got people in form for the next the-gang-to-show-off-how-powerful-we-are-and-rule-Geylang showdown.and after that my head hurt so much I slept, and am stil in want of sleep), and more of I'm-not-in-the-mood-to-write-up-about-Geroge-Herbert-even-though-he-does-great-metaphysical-poems. Did, rather.

lowdown on netball

nope (in response to a long distance wish *grinz*), there wasn't dinner here to celebrate Hari Raya, cos it fell on Saturday the 13th and we attended Nottingham Games, the annual sports meet of Singapore Societies held in Uni of Notts.

This year us girls played netball! I was a WA for a game and GA for another, and it was a great bonding time (dun ask about scores, U noe wat i mean!). And Jireh (VJ) was there! From Warwick Uni. And Germaine (IJ TP prefectz) too! Din see Renu (IJ TP prefectz), she couldn't make it; she just got elected Durham's Singapore Society Treasurer (",) Daphy (VJ) couldn't come too. It was this time last year when I bumped into Gladys (VJ) (but din see her this year).

To us, the netball team for this year's Notts games from Leicester! Debra (cap't), Amal, Jing Yi, Ting, Gerrie, ShiHui, ZiHui, Nai Wan (superb), and I. (note: 4 out of this 9 from IJ TP)

24/7

its one of those days where you look for a diving board to start your day off, rub your hands, do a lil' dance on the spot to warm up in that swimsuit, prep yourself as you ascend, tentatively step on the board, judges eyeing your every move.

You jump.

And for some reason the janitor foget to fill the pool up with water yesterday.

Eek. That's rather morbid. If you think about it in terms of what could happen if it really occured in reality. But notice, I did not add that in.

What actually happened was this.

I was warming up my hands, doing a lil' dance to warm up, ready to ascend to the board. Then someone rushes up to me and informs me that I have duties yet to carry out, responsibilities to take on, and I cannot do this jump. I get upset, irritated, wondering why we must take on the burdens of others, frustrated that I cannot put what I want first. Then I walk away from the board, and fulfill them.

Albeit, still irritated, still upset. But never knowing that the pool was not filled, that it was not ready for the dive.

I don't call it coincidence, 'in the nick of time'. I see it as a Divine Lesson.

"Seek Ye First The Kingdom Of God,
And All These Things Shall Be Added Unto You." Matthew 6:3

http://www.donghaeng.net/english/duty.htm

I think I have Obsessive Complusive Disorder. Ususally it is attributed to the excessive necessity (apparently inherent) for cleanliness, or the overiding fear of dark places, or fear once outside of one's personal confines.

For me, its the worry that I have forgotten to do something.

And what weighs it down is the bigger worry that I will be held responsible for it.

As such, I've checked my email accounts (with a capital 'S', even the most obsolete one I opened when I was about 12 years old) about a gazillion times today just to make sure I've not forgotten anyone I've not email to.

Is it OCD or wat?

I'm hoping its just today.
As a result, the worry is giving me a terrible ache in my stomach, like little critters knawing at my insides (as opposed to butterflies; those who know me know I detest just as much!), its 9pm and I'm wanting dinner, and I've got a Old English "mini test tomorrow, please parse lines 15-66 of 'The Wanderer'". oh no I'm not complaining for the want of pity. self-pity? nah. I hereby praise God for His strength in me to keep me going! or else I'd be having baby Eoraptors in me. or worse, the aliens from Stephen King's Dreamcatcher!

=)

Wall of Fame.. 

My Perogative

I made baked pasta today! Albeit a bit salty, but I put in tuna, crabsticks, mushrooms, poured in pasta-bake sauce, topped it off with cheese (its never enuff), and popped it in the oven! hee I think it was a serving for two, and I ate like 3/5 of it...hee. Nick ate the other 2/5. That was for dinner.

Its now 3.44 am and I'm eating blueberry muffin from ASDA, the equivalent of Carrefour. I tell u, its the stress. haha =) *excuses excuses* Have been up printing for 369...figured out how to use PhotoStudio! =) whew...I'm no computer expert man.

Its now past 4am, (time delay in between, put on a pic of one of my four walls) and I'm not seeing words properly already; but stubborn me refuses to sleep. Don't ask me why, I'm too tired to think. hee. maybe it's cos I want to find out more about my friends, and have been going from blog to blog.
On the flip side of obvious narcissism (tongue-in-cheek, duh), blogs can help shrink the world.

It's getting so cold...my hands are getting numb and I'm in my room wearing a sweater. crazy Brit. been below 10 deg these few days/nights.brrr

Beauty

http://www.luminarium.org/sevenlit/donne/mourning.htm

My favourite so far...

TKM

I don't think people can/should comment unless they know exactly what's going on. PROBLEM IS, the other party always thinks he does but he doesn't. Not the other side of the argument, not the problems gone through to get to that point, not the trouble taken to arrive wherever, not how you actually feel about it. And maybe know, yes, with the head, but not the heart.

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."

ANGER.

1...2...3...4...breathe
count up when u cool down, count down when u blow up.
5...4...3...2...1...ignition!
when can we stop counting? and will we want to when its near our time then?

then I remember how forgiveness is a continuous process, and try to let go.
Anger will drain your energy, energy you can spend playing a favourite sport, reading your favourite book, spending time with your family, giving a helping hand. Anger blocks out the truth, that you aren't totally made up of insecurities and self-hurt and anxieties, that you have the strength within yourself to reach out to others. and the strength to let go of those who havn't yet reached their time.

Cambridge: by the river 

5 hours

Just back from a Latin All Saints' Day Mass which started at 11am, today the daylight-saving came into effect, had 5.5 hours of sleep, had 5 hours of mad laughter and 'elusive' word puns and just plain sharing. new record!

Random events in a not-so-ramdon life. (well my parents din actually plan to say: lets have Mel on the 16th Feb!, but I sure would like to think I came into this world meeting happy expectations)

Anyway, why, you may ask, am I in a be-nice-to-me-or-I'll-bite mood? Partly cos I've got half an essay more to write up on 'Chaucer and Divine Providence in The Knight's Tale', partly cos I have to go down to practice netball later (not that I don't like it, its just the I've-got-to-get-out-of-the-house-again? syndrome), and mostly cos I'm continuously wishing things will be ok between.

It's just a wish. All things happen for a reason *see, I'm even writing an essay on Divine Providence* and one thing I believe He is teaching me is to trust. In Him. That all things come to those who wait on Him.

One thing I learnt after watching "Princess Diaries 2" yesterday is NOT to believe or fantasize in/about fairy tales. The landing and inevitable 'Welcome back to Earth' is much more painful on the rear that way! I mean, who believes in knowing your Mr/Ms Right when you've barely known the tip of the iceberg of their character? Lofty has asked me before, and my answer is still an adament "No, I don't believe in love at first sight".

oh, kim, I havn't laughed like that in ages. well, the only exceptions probably being watching "White Chicks" and "Shark Tale" and "Bride and Prejudice" and "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow". even then u beat them flat. sigh told u I spend too much for too little over here: that's 4 x 5 pounds!

see see see: Shi Hui and I went Cambridge last week. And I coincidentally, accidentally, suddenly bumped into Weiwen! who's taking engine there starting this year....he showed us round his campus, Queens' College.

Ok, back to Divine Providence, Palomon, Arcite and Theseus, Venus, Mars, and Jupitar, Boethius and Aristotle.....the real question is, did God plan that I stop right here or is it Free Will that I possess? tune in to De Consolatione Philosophaie to find out....

Always...

Forgiveness is a continuous process. Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go, not of the memory, but of the pain that comes with remembrance. Who else can make it possible but God? Everything in our human nature shouts to seek compensation for the hurt caused, an explanation for the wrong done, even revenge. But when we realize what the real goal is, there is peace within which the world cannot give.

She will..

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I’ve had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want

Alone but never lonely....

Inward self-reflection with God's guidence (meaning u dun go off-tangent thinking terrible or unhealthy thoughts, nor fantasize or scheme) is good. It leads to self-knowledge, an important key, so have said St Teresa of Avila (The Interior Castle), Daniel Goleman(Emotional Intelligence) and The Oracle at Delphi. The stairway inward (I wonder how such a stairway would look like) is, possibly (since i'm not expert), through prayer. And then, in coming to terms with your emotions, good or evil, there is

Peace.

Joy.

Love.

Lord, help me remain in You.

so many deaths in this world

so many deaths in this world; you begin to wonder if its inevitable.

Inevitably, the answer is yes.

Of people you knew, through a friend, someone on the news, or someone whom you love. or used to, then. since they're gone.

Lord I only pray for hope, to continue to believe. In what? In the continuous power of Your grace, that You will heal the wounds. In the eternity of Your love, that it superceeds everything else. In the strength You had to bear the cross.

Down, but never broken. should we even be 'down'? what then is the peace that the world cannot give, nor take away? where then is the immeasurable happiness; only found in heaven? No, a piece of it is here, tho not the whole, for the world is not perfect. And it can be found within, not without. Not without grief, sadness over a betrayal, pity of another, helplessness of it all. But within the heart that continues to go on, in spite of it all. That's how we flex our muscles of the heart (or rather the heart, a muscle).

just for laughs! 

"i want to make u feel beautiful..."

Funny how a phone call back to Singapore can change my mood. To lift my spirits, to believe once again in hope. 2 calls, and a frenster msg, tat's what made me smile today, 1 meeting in Snappers, and my whole day turns grey. Make tat dark. I guess tat's what happens when one puts too many eggs into A basket. Not a prudent decision. Thank God for Shi Hui!

I attended the Leicester Uni Chorale singing practice held at Fraser Noble Blg today, with Jon Fok and Gerrie. It was great! back once again singing, part of a voice, a melody, an inspiration. I feel so uplifted when I remember my passions, and lean not on human dependencies. Round your mouth, use your diaphram, mind your f and p. Then mozart's reqeuim mass forms in chorus and the hall fills with gusto, emotion, and echos.

The Death of a Friend

O how we used to laugh
At the silliest things
Roaring brawls and gleeful mirth
Over coffee, mistakes and flings

O how we always shared
The spoils of food and daily battle
The spoilt expectations and pains
That turn us to mettle

Do you see me from above?
Opposite an empty chair, looking out
Using other worlds of black-white
To build my paper-mache, hollow, without

But the sun's out now
The cruel glare hitting home
And I see the distance between
You across the room, unknown.

written 4 Oct 2004

I will remember days in avalon...

Alone. Does everyone feel tat? Are they feeling it now? Or is it jus the rise and fall of melancholy? A fren asked this question in her blog: what is a friend? Is it someone whom u say 'hi' to? Someone before whom you wear this smiling mask? Someone whom U find it easy to tell your day's details to? Someone who listens well? Someone who wants to be with you? Someone who knows your faults and failures? Someone who loves you for it? I'm so scared to let anyone in.

*knock knock*

Do I choose the people? Or do they choose me? Or does God choose for me?

*knock knock*

only those involved understand.. 

neurotic

The gospel today was St Luke's rendition of how Simon Peter got 'caught' by Jesus, and the leap of faith Peter took to say "but if you say so, I will". wow. It's a tough one. Everyday, all around us, the many voices outside (and in!) speak, call, shout. To hear Him is already one thing. To LISTEN is the next. Fr Stephen's homily didn't fail to 'hit' me once again; I believe he prays much, and listens. Because only then can we make an impact in others' lives, without God's direction, we'll be groping blindly in the dark, maybe striking luck sometimes, and maybe not.

Fear. It holds us back. We lose. I'm scared. Scared of fear.
And tat, ladies and gentlemen, is wat we call irony. Ha. Ha.
Skeptical me, does anyone noe? Is it a lie when I hide it? Or is it me trying to do my best to keep the ugly part in the dark? Two ends of a spectrum, and I don't know which I'm at.
And tat, ladies and gentlemen,...

I've learnt today, that its easy loving the kids, not so easy with irritating, frustrating adults. But God calls us to love them all the same.

Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health

for 369. its 3.17 am now...of course not without some chatting to ease the nite. Thanks matt for the ideas, and your constant support dude...
listening to Jay Chou's lastest, thanks to Adrian Sim :) have to train up my China-'polished' Mandarin, cos the China-born dun have a clue wat I'm saying, not to mention others of likewise species as I. sigh. So I have Ping Guan wif me too...will it work? Probably should have chatted wif Rosa more last year, I wish she's going to be there when I get back. Still havn't come up wif what to say in front of the new-initiates. probably show them how we slit the dotted line and mix our blood in a....nah, tat's too morbid, and bordering on 'haram'. haha kudos to hakim and az.

and so we spill the milk and bite back the tears.

and so we resist the wizard's spell of 'pillar of salt'.

and so we write a thesis on 'The Reason' (Hoobastank).

morning in brighton 

simply complicated

yup! its been 3 months since the last entry, but I'm back! so much has happened...life is that scary. and if I didn't have my Angel behind me, I prob wouldn't be as sane as I am now (of course, that is RELATIVE) hee. how do you look at the Great T, a xin-fact, without squeezing your eyes shut and covering your face because you dare not finally understand where aliens come from? how? I don't know. Courage: Not the absence of fear, but the decisive action INSPITE of fear. But when u noe its a xin....

I'm tired. And to think its the hols!The one and only 3-mth summer hols in which you'd just live in the fairy-tale so oft described in the words of models ready to turn super-models at their next Miss Universe. And so it is: a fairy-tale. Because time doesn't stop for thee, and 'this same flower that blooms today, tomorrow will be dying'. Does it seem unfair? perhaps. Am I stupid to let it be? perhaps. Or maybe sometimes we're just defenceless in the face of the Tsunami.

To the Edge of the Black Hole, and Back

Precipice, stand
On the line
That divides

Truth and the abyss
What width
Is this line

Pull, now!
Fight gravity
“Arise Lazarus”

One knows Beauty
Only being
post-grave.

written on 12 Aug 2004

I'm so going to miss them.... 

He knows how I feel